You've Been Eating Brie Wrong This Whole Time! Tabs, Wed., July 26, 2023

I mean, probably? Morning news roundup!

Tabs gif by your friend Martini Glambassador

What is Rebecca reading and watching today? A whole lot of Texas and Florida, Katie!

Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis fired the aide who made a video — yes, approvingly Gateway Pundit (deep cut) — with DeSantis’s face with a bunch of swastikas. Bonus, of course he’s a former writer for the National Review. (Axios)

Texas A&M University put a professor on leave within hours of her criticizing Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick for his role in the opioid crisis. This is an excellently reported story asking and answering all the questions you might have about WHAT THE FUCK TEXAS. (Tribune)

Texas has put more than $4 billion so far into its “Texas Border Tactical Force.” Florida’s building its own army too. That’s all fine right? Right? — Will Bunch at Philadelphia Inquirer

Maternal mortality rates doubled in Texas between 1999 and 2019. And that’s before they outlawed abortions that might save your life. (Axios / Study at JAMA)

And Texas Gov. Greg Abbott has banned local governments from mandating that you let workers take breaks for water. Joe Brandon needs to overrule that shit with some OSHA, stat. — Texas Observer

There’s a lot more in Florida’s social studies standards beyond just the grotesque claim that Black people were able to “benefit” from being enslaved; most of it’s not AS bad, but it’s still plenty terrible. This bit is upside down smile face emoji.

In fact, the Tampa Bay Times found that of the 16 examples the state produced of formerly enslaved people “parlaying” their master-taught skills into jobs later in life, few fit that description. They were either already free Black people, or they learned skills after escaping slavery, or they never were slaves at all. My favorite: Betty Washington Lewis, who was never a slave but was President George Washington’s younger sister, who herself owned slaves.

Yes, Ron DeSantis, it’s all very factual. — Joan Walsh at The Nation

The “new Right’s” theory of power, that the Left seized all the institutions and they have to seize them back by force — is so insane it’s not even wrong. (Nicholas Grossman at Arc Digital)

Newbern, Alabama, is 85 percent Black. But when the tiny town elected a Black mayor, Patrick Braxton, the white people previously in charge locked him out of the town hall and let him fight fires — actual fires, he’s a volunteer fire fighter — at Black homes by himself. “Rather than concede, Haywood ‘Woody’ Stokes III, the former white mayor, along with his council members, reappointed themselves to their positions after ordering a special election that no one knew about.” He’s suing. They’re claiming qualified immunity. Trump try that yet? — Capital B News

Carlee Russell, the young Black woman who faked a terrifying abduction on the side of an Alabama highway, has sent her lawyer to tell the cops she is sorry, and it was a hoax. The cops sound surprisingly empathetic. I hope she’s okay. (AL)

I am agog and delighted that a TV news in Nashville did a story explaining Old College Joe’s student loan forgiveness for all the 50-year-olds (including my husband, and Dok) and actually told Tennesseans how this benefits them. A TV news! Explaining a policy! Who would have thunk! — News Channel 5

Oh damn, the story of this little Oklahoma newspaper, the McCurtain Gazette, and its big fuckin scoops is a MOVIE. Treat yourself to a longread. (New Yorker)

Americans starting to notice shit’s not as bad, consumer confidence edition! (AP)

This is though. It’s not only as bad, but it’s real REAL bad. Ocean currents are reaching a climate tipping point by the turn of the century. — Nature

You guys remember this one: False Memories, the Jackie Onassis story! (A Storied Career)

Brie and how to eat it. (Love to Know)