Pacific Northwest Wonkettonians: Get Your (Unofficial) Drinky Thing On In Seattle, June 1!


Hey there, Pacific Northwest and maybe evenBritish Columbian Wonkeetteers, and whatever sea lions ain't busy eating all the salmon at the Bonneville Dam, mark your colanders for Saturday June 1, when we will gather at The Blarney Stone in beautiful downtown Seattle at 7 in the PM. We will sing union songs and pee in the potted plants!* Volunteer organizer weejee notes that it is convenient to something called "public transportation, which we wouldn't know about, being from Idaho and all. There are rumors of karaoke beginning at 9 PM, before which time the assembled Wonkers will either decide on a less noisy location or just add the lyrics "exploding foamy pigshit" to every song.

Please note that this reader-organized event is not part of the officially-sponsored Wonk Your Brains Out Tour of Orgies and Drunkenness, so you have no one but yourselves to blame if it fails to be epic (it will, however, be epic). Be advised that there is a fair probability of photos being posted sideways at some point, but for the right payoff, the most embarassing ones can be quietly deleted.

Yr Doktor Zoom will be on hand, but will not, unfortunately, attempt to make the trip in his 1973 Chevy, Vlad the Impala, because this year we would actually like to make it all the way to Seattle. Baker City, Oregon is a fine little town, we guess, but we have no desire to stimulate the automotive-repair sector of its economy once again.

Finally, we feel kind of bad about the graphic nature of the video in that one weird post yesterday, so to make up for it, here is an adorable little pastel pony named Fluttershy, being adorable:

*We will definitely not pee in the potted plants.

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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If you want to take the pulse of the nation, with regards to feminism and how people feel about it, who do you go to? Well, if you are Brian Kilmeade of Fox News, you go to Tomi Lahren. Last night, these two geniuses discussed a recent poll conducted by Refinery29 and CBS News showing that only 46% of millennial women consider themselves feminists. Tomi Lahren knows why that is, and it's because feminists refuse to embrace Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Obviously.

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It's still Omarosa week! Aren't you glad it's still Omarosa week and that we still get to talk about Omarosa a lot more????


OK, us neither. There are a couple things we need to point out though. One is that the Trump campaign's lawsuit against Omarosa for breaking the terms of an unenforceable nondisclosure agreement is HORSESHIT. We'll lawsplain that at you later today. Another is that it really is super fucked up, and entirely expected, that Trump called Omarosa a "dog." He probably wanted to call her a bitch and thinks he behaved himself by using the word "dog." Sarah Huckabee Sanders cannot guarantee we will never hear the president on tape using the N-word, because she absolutely knows it almost 100% certainly happened.

Those are some things about our current Week Of Omarosa.

But wait, here's another thing!

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  • Saturday, Aug 11th ....... Seattle, WA
    Discovery Park, 4-7pm
  • Sunday, Aug 12th ....... Bellingham, WA
    Sunnyland Park, 2-5pm
  • Sunday, Aug 19th ....... Spokane, WA
    Audubon Park, 2-5pm

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