Parler Yeets Ye
Elon Musk should send Kanye "Ye" West flowers. After weeks as the CEO and main character of Twitter, there is finally another mega-celebrity burning his life down to take some of the pressure off. That's worth at least a thank you note, right?
In the event, Musk simply banned the rapper from Twitter. But not for posting that picture of Musk looking like a bleached whale corpse! That was just "helpful motivation to lose weight," so PLEASE do not let them put in the paper that Elon was mad.
\u201c@KimDotcom @kanyewest Just clarifying that his account is being suspended for incitement to violence, not an unflattering pic of me being hosed by Ari. \n\nFrankly, I found those pics to be helpful motivation to lose weight!\u201d— Elon Musk (@Elon Musk) 1669955974
No, Ye was suspended for tweeting an image of a Jewish star with a swastika inside it. Although Musk's explanation might be slightly more credible if he hadn't just restored the account of Andrew Anglin, the founder of the Neo-Nazi Daily Stormer website. (Also if you have time, Google "Kim Dotcom" to see why it's very funny that he's become one of the fanbros Musk spends all day bumping digital bits with.)
But back to Kanye, who is having rather a bad run of it. Yesterday he appeared on Alex Jones's Infowars show, where he managed to make a ghoul who just got fined a billion dollars for torturing the parents of dead children look like the normal one. Then five minutes later, by sheer coincidence, the MAGA social media platform Parler announced that it had decided not to sell itself to Ye after all.
\u201cParler will continue to pursue future opportunities for growth and the evolution of the platform for our vibrant community.\u201d— Parler (@Parler) 1669928558
"In response to numerous media inquiries, Parlement Technologies would like to confirm that the company has mutually agreed with Ye to terminate the intent of sale of Parler," the company Tweeted. Probably it, uh, "parl-ed" the message, too, but since there's nobody over at that janky piece of crap site, no one noticed. (If a pee dribbles in the forest and there's no one there to hear it, does it still land on your shoe?)
"This decision was made in the interest of both parties in mid-November," Parler hastened to add, assuring the public that they'd long since hopped off the crazy train, disassociating the company from West's increasingly deranged behavior.
Which is cool and all, but we'd note that Parler, which is owned by Candace Owens's husband George Farmer, agreed to the dealafter the rapper tweeted that he was going to "death con 3 on JEWISH PEOPLE." So, lotsa luck convincing us that company suddenly decided to go public yesterday with the supposedly weeks-old decision to ditch Ye "mainly due to his recent and well-publicized business difficulties,” as a Parler flack mumbled to the Washington Post.
Parler has long since been eclipsed by sites like Gab, Gettr, and Truth Social, and if you remember Parler at all, it's because it allowed insurrectionists to freely post violent threats against Democratic politicians, and found itself yanked from the app stores by Apple and Google while Amazon nixed its web hosting after the Capitol Riot. Threats like "Shoot the police that protect these shitbag senators right in the head, then make the senator grovel a little bit before capping they ass." And "After the firing squads are done with the politicians, the teachers are next." And "White people need to ignite their racial identity and rain down suffering and death like a hurricane upon zionists."
Suffice it to say, this company is a dumpster fire. And yet, Kanye West has made himself so toxic that a company which blithely allowed its users to muse that Stacey Abrams would be "good target practice for beginners" doesn't want to tarnish its good name by association.
Slow fuckin' clap, everyone. You've all played this one very well.
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Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.