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Parody Human Donald Trump Drops Out of His Own Dumb GOP Debate

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Donald Trump, America's leading advertisement for burning all rich people to death in vats of poison waste oil, has bravely decided to follow all the GOP candidates for president by dropping out of the clown-show Republican debatehe was scheduled to host. This is an unmitigated tragedy for political comedy and the "post-Xmas doldrums," but Trump hates America and he obviously hates comedy, so these are the breaks. According to the Fox News Twitter Channel (?), Trump just put out this statement: "I have decided not to be the moderator of the Newsmax debate." NOOOOOOOOOO.


Ron Paul and Jon Huntsman, "the candidates with some kind of basic standards," immediately refused to participate in the idiot Newsmax/Home Shopping Channel reality show when it was first announced, on December 2. Even Michele Bachmann said no, despite this being the perfect platform for a delusional pill-popping idiot like Bachmann. And, we can only assume, Mitt Romney eventually "changed his position" as he does about everything and decided not to take part, because nobody else was taking part. Newt Gingrich heard there would be two bathrooms just for him and his poop, so he signed on. (Plus, he was probably offered some gift cards to Applebee's and maybe a lucrative consulting contract with the Iranian Revolutionary Guard.) Eventually, there was no choice for Trump but to refuse to appear on the debate that he himself was hosting.

Anyway, the dream is over. Who will host the Newsmax debate instead? Let's just say if it's not elderly wingnut superhero Chuck Norris, then they can just cancel the motherfucking debacle already. [Twitter?]

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