Party Report Card: The Real Wonkette At The White House
We finally figured out why the real Wonkette dumped all this crap on usthis week -- she was going to the White House Christmas party for the press! (Though really, it would have been nice if she brought us along -- that hand towel she lifted from the john just isn't the kind of souvenir we can take home to mom.) Below, a special report from your usual hostess.-- "Joe Klein"
The White House parties for the Fourth Estate are sort of like a press briefing with booze: Lots of window dressing, some song and dance, and you have to say you believe in Santa Claus. Every room was decked out with big Christmas trees and military aides in dress uniforms, one of whom seemed very intent on rounding me up for a meeting with what he referred to as "the Big Man." He must have meant the president, right? A few sightings: Time'sMatt Cooper, preparing for jail -- protecting the First Amendment and gang rape -- the best of both worlds! AlsoDick Keilof Bloomberg, on extra-long crutches; WashPost'sMike Allen, adorable as always, with little nephew in tow for special added adorability. Erstwhile Allen WH colleagueDana Milbankalso there, suspiciously healthy.Howie Kurtzwanted to know if my lipstick was going to be the kind I am planning wear on his year-end show; totally love his make-overs but when he brought out the blush wand I ran away. The Trib'sJeff Zelenyhad this weird antique device he was pointing at people. He said it had "film" in it. Speaking of time-warps, we spotted NPR/Fox NewserJuan Williamswaiting in line to get picture withGeorgeandLaurafor what must be his 18th such photo. I skipped the opportunity. But I did meetScott McClellanin order to get his autograph forHenry the Intern. And yes, Scotty seemed a little freaked out. He claimed to have heard of Wonkette -- perhaps it was the human traffic cone reference? -- but he claims to know a lot of things. But he apparently had no clue whoRichard Leibywas.
The report card after the jump.
Food: Only the best from your tax dollars. Mini-lamb chops were popular, as was salmon. Fancy desserts. I stuck to the shrimp.A-
Drink: What the selection was lacking, the egg nog made up for. Only one option for each type of booze -- and no bourbon! Butler asked if I really wanted the egg nogwith alcohol. Uh, yes.B
Commerce Transacted: Lively but dorky trade in better passes for the line to get picture with Bushes. Otherwise, nada.C+
Key Fashion Accessory: Hard pass, nutmeg on nose. Reporters can drink, but they can't dress.D
Where Would They Rather Be: At a party hosted by President Kerry.