Party Report Card: The Real Wonkette At The White House

Don't Let Wonkette Near UsWe finally figured out why the real Wonkette dumped all this crap on us this week -- she was going to the White House Christmas party for the press! (Though really, it would have been nice if she brought us along -- that hand towel she lifted from the john just isn't the kind of souvenir we can take home to mom.) Below, a special report from your usual hostess.

The White House parties for the Fourth Estate are sort of like a press briefing with booze: Lots of window dressing, some song and dance, and you have to say you believe in Santa Claus. Every room was decked out with big Christmas trees and military aides in dress uniforms, one of whom seemed very intent on rounding me up for a meeting with what he referred to as "the Big Man." He must have meant the president, right? A few sightings: Time's Matt Cooper, preparing for jail -- protecting the First Amendment and gang rape -- the best of both worlds! Also Dick Keil of Bloomberg, on extra-long crutches; WashPost's Mike Allen, adorable as always, with little nephew in tow for special added adorability. Erstwhile Allen WH colleague Dana Milbank also there, suspiciously healthy. Howie Kurtz wanted to know if my lipstick was going to be the kind I am planning wear on his year-end show; totally love his make-overs but when he brought out the blush wand I ran away. The Trib's Jeff Zeleny had this weird antique device he was pointing at people. He said it had "film" in it. Speaking of time-warps, we spotted NPR/Fox Newser Juan Williams waiting in line to get picture with George and Laura for what must be his 18th such photo. I skipped the opportunity. But I did meet Scott McClellan in order to get his autograph for Henry the Intern. And yes, Scotty seemed a little freaked out. He claimed to have heard of Wonkette -- perhaps it was the human traffic cone reference? -- but he claims to know a lot of things. But he apparently had no clue who Richard Leiby was.

The report card after the jump.

Food: Only the best from your tax dollars. Mini-lamb chops were popular, as was salmon. Fancy desserts. I stuck to the shrimp. A-

Drink: What the selection was lacking, the egg nog made up for. Only one option for each type of booze -- and no bourbon! Butler asked if I really wanted the egg nog with alcohol. Uh, yes. B

Commerce Transacted: Lively but dorky trade in better passes for the line to get picture with Bushes. Otherwise, nada. C+

Key Fashion Accessory: Hard pass, nutmeg on nose. Reporters can drink, but they can't dress. D

Where Would They Rather Be: At a party hosted by President Kerry.

[White House Photo/Eric Draper]


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