Pastor Greg Locke Infiltrated By Man Witches!

You remember Greg Locke, the rightwing nutso pastor of the Global Vision Bible Church in east Tennessee who revealed to the world that there are child-trafficking tunnels underneath the White House and also in the "five fingered lakes," where demon-possessed Joe Biden and Oprah and Tom Hanks and the pope stash children, and if you don't believe that, then you're no better than Hunter Biden.

He also once said that only "crack-smoking, demon-possessed leftists" actually believe Joe Biden is the president. He recently threw a book-burning. It didn't go well.

He's a fine, upstanding guy.

And it turns out demons are informing him he's under attack by witches. Yeah yeah yeah, "thoughts and prayers," but don't worry, Greg's got this under control.

You see, people have been making fun of Greg ever since Hemant Mehta, the Friendly Atheist, posted this clip of Greg putting on his biggest Big Man voice and telling the literal witches sitting in his congregation that he knows who they are and he's going to expose them.

If you have not seen this video, it is so great.

Greg says he's got "first and last names of six witches that are in our church, and you know what's strange? Three of you are in this room right now." Three witches!

LOCKE: We ain't afraid of you, you stinkin' witch! You devil-worshippin' Satanist witch! We cast yew out in the name of Jesus Christ, we break yore spaaaaaay-ells, we break yore curse, we got yore first name, we got yore last name, we even got an address for one of ya!

We got yore Netflix password, girl! We gon' watch Ozark on your TV, devil woman!

LOCKE: You so much as cough wrong, and I'll expose ya in front of everybody in this tent, yew stinkin' witch!


Some of you been sick because you befriended that weeeee-itch!

Get up on outta here, Sabrina!


Two of ya in my wife's ladies Bible study and you know who are, and we gonna ask yew to GET OUUUUUUUUT!

If you missed it in Dok's SF school board article, this school-renaming debacle is WOOF. \u2014 Mission Local  Okay, which of you witches infiltrated Greg Locke's wife's Bible book club? \u2014 Independent  Okay, which of you rightwing extremists infiltrated the nice normal Freedom Convoy? Molly Jong-Fast free newsletter, The Atlantic.Giphy

Yew can leave with yo' spay-ells, all by yo'self. Or I'll show up next Sunday with a stage full of brooms and I'll give yew one and I'll fly your tail up outta this place in the name of Jesus, but we ain't playin' yo' spell-castin' games, witchcraft nonsense, sage-burnin' games!


And your little dog too. You're OUT, weeee-itch!

Right, good game.

Locke said he has six names, of witches. He explained he already had two of the names before "that thing" ever said it. What is "that thing"? Well, it's a demon, and the demon talked to him.

Religion News Service explains more of what's in that sermon, stuff that's not in the viral clip, about the demon what talked to him:

Those demons, he said, had revealed the names of a group of “full-blown, spell-casting” witches who’d been sent to infiltrate Global Vision, a nondenominational church east of Nashville, Tennessee, where Locke is pastor. [...]

Locke told the congregation that he’d gotten the names while casting a demon out of a woman who had recently begun coming to Global Vision. The preacher, known for his sensationalist sermons about politics and COVID-19 skepticism — went on to describe the exorcism in detail, quoting a demon with scruffy voice who accused worshippers at the church of being witches.

What helpful demons!

Locke is of course bitching that his words were somehow deceptively edited by Hemant Mehta:

In an email to Religion News Service, Locke said his words had been taken out of context in the edited video. He said two of the alleged witches were men and were “ALL sent here on assignment to disrupt."

He needs to clarify that two of these "witches" are dudes. It's relevant enough to him that he needs to clarify. Two very DUDE witches. Guessing they're not the same two witches who went to his wife's ladies Bible study.

Hemant Mehta also talked to the Religion News Service and said no, he did not deceptively edit Pastor Batshit's normal and nice sermon. He also questioned the notion that outsider "witches" would be coming into Locke's church to bother him, noting that "his church is one of those maskless unvaccinated places where the sort of people who might infiltrate his church do not want to be.”

But hey sure maybe. MAN witches. Two of them! Big burly strapping MAN witches. Also some lady ones.

If there are any psychologists around, you're welcome to weigh in.

[Religion News Service]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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