Pastor Tony Spell Off House Arrest, Won't Comply With Orders Until He Can Ice Skate On Fire
When last we left Pastor Tony Spell of Louisiana — you know, the one who keeps getting in trouble because he insists upon holding church services in spite of stay-at-home orders — he was bragging about how many people (over 200!) had sent him their coronavirus checks. We'd feel kind of bad about them getting so obviously conned in that way, but there are people dying from this shit (over 89,000!) so it's super hard to feel too bad for people who are giving money to someone making that more likely to happen.
Since then, a sympathetic judge has let him off house arrest and a less-sympathetic judge has denied his bid to block the stay-at-home order entirely. Also the state of Louisiana has said that he can hold church outside if he wants, or inside, if he's willing to operate at 25% capacity. That seems fair, right? Seems like a far more reasonable compromise than he should even be getting, really.
And in response to this, Pastor Spell has issued a brand new video titled "Change of Heart." AW.
Cyndi Lauper - Change Of Heart (Official Video) www.youtube.com
OK, fine. That is not Tony Spell. It is Cyndi Lauper, and it is a JAM. The Tony Spell vid, not so much. He calls it "Change of Heart," but TWIST, there has been no change of heart, he will keep endangering people until they "sell popsicles in Hell and set up an ice skating rink in the Lake of Fire and sell tickets for admission." Nice.
Change of Heart youtu.be
I don't know about the Lake of Fire Ice Skating Rink, but they do serve ice cream in Hell, so probably you can get popsicles there as well.
Holy Cow Dairy in Hell, Michigan
As for whether or not they serve beer in hell, you will have to ask Tucker Max, although that may be difficult seeing as how no one knows what happened to that dude.
We all like popsicles, and some of us like ice skating (I have weak ankles, but will totally watch that shit on TV. Love a triple axel! Team Tonya!), but no one should have to be bribed with such frivolity in order to not put people's lives in danger. No one should be throwing this big of a tantrum over not putting people in danger of getting sick. Is it that he wants people to get sick and suffer? Like, for the souls in purgatory? Is he simply looking for more funeral gigs? Or is he just using a pandemic to promote himself and get even more followers who will give him even more of their money?
Anyway, this is now your open thread! Talk amongst yourselves!
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Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. In addition to her work at Wonkette, she also has a biweekly column at Dame. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse