It was well past Labor Day, but the Gray Lady couldn't resist one more visit to flyover country. The yokels were so much more yokelish once you got west of Hoboken, and their antics never failed to amuse her. Thus it came to pass that Mother Times ventured this weekend to the tiny hamlet of Warsaw, OH, pop. 682, for one last laugh at the hayseeds before winter arrived, or at least until November's exit polls. There, in America's heartland, Mother Times found the oldest story in the book: Bible bangers vs. strippers counter-protesting at one another.

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To shield churchgoers from the topless protesters, curtains are hung around the parking lot of New Beginnings Ministries. The pastor, William R. Dunfee, said families including children have been entering through a back door.

Still, the pastor vowed to go on with his vigils at a strip club that led to its dancers picketing at his church.

“I have no intention of looking away from evil,” said Mr. Dunfee, who has read the Bible aloud and buttonholed patrons outside the strip club, the Foxhole, for nearly nine years. [...]

Mr. Dunfee said he was acting on behalf of “victims” of the Foxhole, who in his view, include the “lost souls” who gyrate around the dance poles, the wives of men who by ogling the dancers are breaking their wedding vows, and even aborted babies that might result from “the enticement of irresponsible sex.”

We appreciate the pastor's willingness to confine his scolding-based ministries to the titty bar 10 miles up the road. Think of the carbon emissions he's saving by holding his Christianist protest close to home, rather than driving all the way to Columbus to find the nearest abortion clinic! Also, we are impressed by Pastor Dunfee's neat trick whereby hanging blackout curtains between him and the protestors does not, in fact, constitute looking away from evil. Must be one of those cool Bible powers we keep hearing about.

If this story sounds familiar, that's probably because it's been going on for a few years. Or maybe it's because the characters and places involved are, well, stock characters. The church's name is New Beginnings Ministries, and the strip club's name is The Foxhole, which (apologies, Ohio, we don't mean to "note" you to death) sounds a little first-thought to us.  Here's a video from 2010 in which we meet a couple of the exotic dancers/protestors, and also a Times photo of the guy who owns the strip club. Ask yourself -- do these look like exotic dancers in a town of 682 people?

And does that look like a man who owns a strip club in a town of 682 people?

Ooh, and is there a lil' bit of personal hypocrisy involved, maybe on the part of the preacher man? Shore is, hyuck hyuck!

But Mr. Dunfee denied that his long crusade connected to his own history of infidelity. In 2000, he resigned as pastor of Black Run Church of God in Frazeysburg, Ohio, because of a relationship outside his marriage, the pastor acknowledged.

“It was a form of adultery,” he said, one which brought him “a great deal of shame.” He said he had he repented and asked forgiveness from many people, including his wife of 31 years, Connie. “I have received forgiveness,” Mr. Dunfee added. “Because of my past, I’m more capable to help other men.”

Some Christianists say that being able to find forgiveness for anything and everything is the coolest Bible power, but no, it is actually the ability to turn water into wine. Sorry, Christianists, try using both those powers at a party sometime if you don't believe us.

Anywhoozle, if you'd like to join Mother Times in having an indiscreet larf at the expense of honest, hard-workin' Americans who don't know no better, you should read the whole article. But we think we've discovered the real issue here, buried at the end of paragraph five.

The pastor has both fans and critics here in east central Ohio, a nub of the Bible Belt where Amish schoolgirls play baseball in long dresses, but many people believe a lawful business should be free from churchgoers pestering clients and employees, sometimes loudly, until midnight on weekends.

What kind of a topsy-turvy world-gone-mad are we living in where strip clubs close at midnight on the weekends? Or a world in which Christianist protestors call it a night?

[NYT/The Stranger]

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