Pat Robertson Can Heal You And Drive Out Demons -- Even On Tape!

The real miracle is that he's still on TV

Superannuated Godswallop peddler Pat Robertson has some excellent news for you: He (and God of course) can heal you even if you're watching a recording of "The 700 Club" on the DVR, or even "on tape." He didn't specify whether God's healing power still works on Betamax.

One of Robertson's viewers, "Dana," sent an important theological question about the effectiveness of prayer when it's delayed through the technological marvel of modern electronic technology:

Pat was appropriately moved by Dana's concern, and reassured her that God works just great on TiVo:

Somebody was watching our program on tape; they were in Florida and we were in Virginia, and the show had been taped a week before. And I was praying, someone was watching, and I said, "There's somebody that has a bad knee, and the Lord is healing it. I believe it's the right knee." This woman said to the tape, "No, dummy, it's the left knee!" At that time, I said, on the tape, "No, it is the left knee," and the woman got healed!

[contextly_sidebar id="vgLDW3kCIsym6tSFJFfeIiC4tUpqWy2D"]We like that double miracle there: not only did God heal the nice lady's left knee, but Pat Robertson's prophetic powers were so terrific that he anticipated the lady would correct him after an electronic delay. Also, it's an important reminder that you shouldn't delete a single episode of the 700 Club from your DVR without watching it, because then you really might miss out on a miracle! Just imagine if that nice Florida lady had taped over the program with a game show! If you ever watch anything else, not only might you fail to be healed, but you might not find out how yoga will send your children to hell. Then again, you might also miss his words of comfort on the death of a toddler: maybe God killed the little kid because he might have grown up to be Hitler?

Robertson then went on to explain that the power of the Almighty even works across great distances, as long as it's channeled through Pat Robertson on some form of recorded media:

And we’ve had things in Africa take place where the spirit of God rebuked demon spirits and drove them out of a -- it's unbelievable what goes on. The power of God is not limited, so, tape, I mean, God's infinite! OK.

We know exactly what Pat's talking about here. We dug out some old tapes of Northern Exposure a few years back, and darned if that show wasn't still a hoot! Pity Janine Turner turned out to be a wingnut, though.


Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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