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Pat Robertson Mystified By Strange African-American Thanksgiving Ritual

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The Pat Robertson teevee show has been desegregated, apparently by force, and now allows a Negress interviewer to interview "her kind" (Condoleezza Rice). What are the mysterious black people up to, this Thanksgiving? The hip-hop? Smokin' crack? Crunking? Voodoo? Hankering for the Original Constitution days when they were slaves? No, worse. They are eating bizarre food dishes and claiming it's part of American Thanksgiving. Pat Robertson is aghast.

There is a reason we "like" Pat Robertson: He makes us stay "open minded" about the concept of a supernatural underworld where the Evil & Wretched are tortured for eternity. Because if Pat Robertson exists, doesn't that leave open the possibility that his Final Resting Place also exists, in the form of Hell? And isn't it nice to think about his sweetheart Jerry Falwell already in such a place, his vile throat constantly pounded by the razor-wire thousand-headed six-foot-long nuclear phallus of the Devil?

Anyway, these blacks, what are they saying "Sister!" to each other about? There is apparently a welfare dish known as "macaroni and cheese," and oh my the blacks simply love this concoction, whatever it is. But only once a year, at Thanksgiving, or perhaps also at Christmas. In this way, they worship their ancestral Voodoo goddess, the macaroni. Pat Robertson cannot believe the way these blacks are fucking up his holiday. For Thanksgiving, he sticks to a strict diet of orally extracted goat semen. [YouTube]

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Cripes the News has been awful lately! And so Yr Editrix suggested we find some good, positive news. Especially after we pitched writing a Wonket about this Mother Jones story on how global warming may be killing the whales, even though Donald Trump knows their prince. (Reply: "Nope. FOR SURE NOT THAT.") And so, as a reminder that a gooder world is possible and apropos of nothing at all that definitely didn't set your Editrix off on Twitter, where she has been stewing and bitching most shrillfully about the 2016 election and the 2020 election and any terrible similarities thereof and thereupon and therefore and thereto, we present a collection of videos of Elizabeth Warren yelling at big banks and calling for them to be broken up and their criminal operators to go to jail. Puppies and kittens will only get you so far, after all.

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