Pat Robertson Wishes The Homosexuals Would Stop Thrusting Into Him So Hard

What what, in the butt.

Pat Robertson, congratulations, for you are getting your second mention on Wonkette in one week. Your Google Alerts must be going CRAZY! Last time we visited with America's most embarrassingest grandpa, he was teaching us how to make sure our gay grandkids don't get their boyfriends' gay jizz all over our Good Heterosexual Christian Thanksgiving turkeys. But today, we must console Pat, as it turns out that ALL THE HOMOSEXUALS, not just the gay grandkids, are using an "organized thrust" to "stick it" in Christians like Pat. STOP THRUSTING AND STICKING IT TO, IN, OR TOWARD PAT, YOU GAYS!

Believers should not be forced to do something they don't believe in.

In the butt.

It is tyrannical to force them to give money and pay taxes for something they abhor!

In the butt.

And the believers -- just, uh, freedom! -- we shouldn't make homosexuals pay money to something they don't want to do. The homosexuals don't want to be left alone, now they want to come out and stick it to the Christians. They've made it clear!

In the ... oh you get the idea.

And it's an organized thrust throughout this nation to force conformity.

Well, this sounds even worse than we thought! At first, we were under the impression there was a horde of homosexuals personally doing the organized thrusting and the sticking it in Pat Robertson's general direction, but WHOA IF TRUE, apparently this is happening to ALL THE CHRISTIANS.

Anyway, we are making fun of poor Pat, he is obviously talking about the fundamentalist interpretation of "religious freedom" that has suddenly cropped up as an issue over the last few years, as wingnut Christians have had to deal with the indignity and martyrdom of equality for people who aren't them.

He says the gays are doing organized thrusting right into the religious freedom parts of Christian cake bakers (which sounds messy!), and into Kim Davis (better stop or she'll want the gays to be her fifth husband), and ooh, yeah, we better stop, because THAT'S TYRANNY, MOTHERFUCKERS.

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At least we think that's what Pat's talking about. It sure does sound like he has hot, hard man-on-man sex on the brain, though:

We're gonna make you like it and we're gonna make you participate, whether you like it or not!

Oh REALLY? Are the gays also going to THROATCRAM THE CHRISTIANS? Haha just kidding, we already did that, with our Satan's Little Helpers on the Supreme Court!

This concludes our post about Pat Robertson getting a big mad rage boner on television, right in front of the children, and it's all the gays' fault.



Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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