The patriots had such a good time storming the Capitol on Wednesday! All smiles and smashing and camaraderie as they worked together, shouting "heave! ho!" to squeeze a police officer between his shield and a steel door. (Do you need a "graphic content" warning? That is GRAPHIC CONTENT.) But Saturday is looking like not quite as much fun.

One of the two men seen carrying a bundle of zip ties around the Capitol in the Capital Riots on 1/6 tells Ronan Farrow of the New Yorker why no, he never.

[Retired Lieutenant Colonel Larry Rendall Brock, Jr.] denied that he had entered Pelosi's office suite, saying that he "stopped five to ten feet ahead of the sign" bearing her title that insurrectionists later tore down and brandished. However, in the ITV video, he appears to emerge from the suite. Brock said that he had worn tactical gear because "I didn't want to get stabbed or hurt," citing "B.L.M. and Antifa" as potential aggressors. He claimed that he had found the zip-tie handcuffs on the floor. "I wish I had not picked those up," he told me. "My thought process there was I would pick them up and give them to an officer when I see one. . . . I didn't do that because I had put them in my coat, and I honestly forgot about them."

He just forgot!

We sure hope it works out well for the Gravy Seal, who's been retired since 2014. While he may no longer be under control of the Air Force, we'd have serious questions about his pension. And those fuckers looooove to complain about socialism while drawing two or three gubmint pensions at once.

But who else is having a bad Saturday?

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Why won't Getty caption this "Capital Riot survivor finds lectern"? Rude.

Adam Christian Johnson, a house husband from Florida cosplaying as Where's Waldo above, has been arrested. Do you think his doctor wife is PIIIIISSED?

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The Q Shaman. Jacob Anthony Chansley, aka Jake Angeli, an actor from Arizona, has been arrested (and the baby-head man on the right has lost his jerb). Do you think he has anyone to be PIIIIIISSED?

West Virginia Del. Derrick Evans never got to see a single legislative session. Having gotten himself elected after several years of harassing women at West Virginia's only abortion clinic, he's now resigned and also charged, while our former West Virginia resident Jamie Lynn Crofts might die of dehydration after laugh-crying all the water out of her body.

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This guy! Richard Barnett felt like a real swingin' dick putting his feet up on Nancy Pelosi's desk. But we all know who's got the swinginger dick, and it is the 5'5 (but 5'9 in heels) octogenarian speaker of the House. See you in 10 years, buddy, because there are no prison abolitionists today.

[New Yorker / CNN /]

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