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Dishwatergate: Paul Ryan Dishwashing Scandal Worse Than Ever Imagined

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In the distant past -- a couple hours ago? -- we saw on the Tweeter that utter douche Paul Ryan had done some stupid photo-op at a soup kitchen where breakfast had already been served and the dishes already washed. But never one to let a 15-minute investment be for naught, he picked up a sponge and faked washing some pans for the cameras. Now, we did not run with this TERRIBLE SCANDAL because we honestly figured that pretty much every politician on the planet would do the same thing, and sometimes (weirdly) we are not Titans of Hypocritical Partisanship. BUT! Now the soup kitchen's president hasbitched to the Post that HE OR SHE (okay, he, we checked now) is MAD AS HECK, because not only was it a bullshit photo op, but the Romney-Ryan campaign had "ramrodded" their way in. That does not sound very nice! Or heterosexual!


Brian Antal, president of the St. Vincent De Paul Society, is so mad you guys. Not only is he steamed about the campaign ramrodding its way in by getting a random volunteer to okay it, but he's super fucking pissed that

“The photo-op they did wasn’t even accurate. He did nothing. He just came in here to get his picture taken at the dining hall. [...]

Had they asked for permission, it wouldn’t have been granted. … But I certainly wouldn’t have let him wash clean pans and then take a picture.”

The campaign claimed Ryan was there to draw attention to the fabulous work done by volunteers, and certainly wasn't intended to create the (false) impression that Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan love poors and homelesses and sick children and other gross 47 percent moochers like that.

So, you know, still lying.

[WaPo]

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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Donald Trump's presidency has made white nationalism fashionable again. It doesn't help matters that social networking giant Facebook has offered white nationalists a global platform for their hate. Back in May, Motherboard obtained internal documents that revealed how Facebook planned to handle white supremacist content on its site after Charlottesville. It was incredibly stupid.

See, Facebook wouldn't let you post praise of white supremacy as an ideology or identify yourself as a "proud" white supremacist. It would allow you to post praise of white nationalism as an ideology or identify yourself as a "proud" white nationalist. All those tech bros and all those hoodies in the same place and they still couldn't muster the collective brain power to understand that white supremacy and white nationalism are synonymous, by which I mean the exact same thing but with a slightly different arrangement of letters.

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Is Brett Kavanaugh's Evil Twin The Real Attempted Rapist? Maaaaaybe!

Another Pulitzer for Kathleen Parker pls!

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Over this past week, we have heard some fascinating excuses for Brett Kavanaugh having allegedly attempted to rape Dr. Christine Blasey Ford when he was in high school. Hey, he didn't rape us, said some ladies who knew him. It could have just been horseplay, said his spokesperson Carrie Severino! He wasn't even there, said Orrin Hatch! It totally doesn't matter anyway because he has done enough good in his lifetime that he should get to sexually assault like, one lady, said Dennis Prager! Maybe it was a false memory and she hallucinated the whole thing, said the Dilbert guy!

So many possible options. But something was missing. We didn't know it, but we felt it in our bones. And then, today, Pulitzer Prize-winning writer Kathleen Parker dropped it in the Washington Post. What if it wasn't Brett Kavanaugh, she tells us all, very seriously, but rather his evil twin. Or someone who just looked a whole lot like him. Perhaps even this "Bart O'Kavanaugh" we have been hearing so much about.

Let's hear her out!

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