Peace In Our Time! Wonkagenda For Fri., April 27, 2018

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

In a historic meeting, North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un crossed the DMZ for peace talks with South Korean President Moon Jae-In. The two leaders announced their intention to work with both US and Chinese officials to create "permanent" and solid" peace.

The Senate Judiciary Committee decided to pass a bill to protect Robert Mueller, but Mitch McConnell has retreated to his shell, telling reporters, "We'll not be having this on the floor of the Senate."

A federal judge has appointed a "special master" to oversee documents seized by federal agents from Michael Cohen. Though technically a "win" for Trump and Cohen, the "special master" is a former federal prosecutor for the SDNY who cut her teeth on organized crime.

Michael Cohen and Keith Davidson, two lawyers from "opposite" worlds, seem to pop up whenever Trump screws a porn star, and that has people asking a lot of questions about the women Michael Cohen has paid off.

House Intel Committee chair Mike Conaway has said the FBI, CIA, and other agencies "over-redacted" portions of the Trump-Russia report, and he wants a bunch of stuff declassified so that everyone can see there was no collusion, no collusion, no collusion!

The WSJ has a hilarious piece on Michael Cohen crying like a baby for being left behind in New York while Trump & Co. moved to DC. Did you know Cohen grew up a snobby rich kid, bragging about connections to the Russian mob, and Trump once embarrassed Cohen at his kid's bar mitzvah? [Archive]

Maggie Haberman has more palace intrigue about all the people who've risen into Trump's scummy sphere of influence only to find him bursting their bubbles.

It's been a horrible, no good, crazy bad week in the Trump administration, so here's a quick refresher to takes you from the "Candyman" to the CIA. "That was some weird shit..."

The FBI has called "bullshit" on the Trump administration's excuse for keeping slap-happy aide Rob Porter around. Officials told the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee that they notified the administration in March 2017 they'd found "derogatory information" about Porter, but (clearly) nobody cared.

Scott Pruitt went to the Hill and denied being a grifty bastard, instead blaming his staff and his own ignorance for blowing hundreds of thousands of tax dollars on his indulgences.

Speaking before the Senate Armed Services Committee, Defense Secretary Jim Mattis stated that he supports and defends the Iranian nuclear agreement (JCPOA). Huh.

Mike Pompeo is your new Secretary of State after clearing a Senate vote 57-42, but people are already speculating whether Pompeo is positioning himself for another elected office, despite glaring inconsistencies in his military service record.

Desperate to rip the spoons from the mouths of moochers, Republicans are rushing to "reform" food aid to include work requirements.

The House and Senate want to add legislation for hemp in the new farm bill, and Mitch McConnell is leading the charge (for once), but it could come at the cost of SNAP fuckery.

All the big kids are kicking Facebook out of the silicon sandbox as they brace for government regulations on tech.

ICE and other immigration officials want DHS head Kirstjen Nielsen to start prosecuting parents who get caught crossing the border if we don't start building Trump's wall soon.

House Chaplain Patrick Conroy was quit-fired by Paul Ryan for praying that the GOP would stop being such an assholes to poor people. Democrats are righteously pissed, and some GOP House members say that it's because the chaplain brought in...A MUSLIM!

A number of Texas Republican candidates all share the same hardcore GOP strategy group, and it's been curiously shuffling staffers between campaigns. Weird...

The Senate Ethics Committee has "severely admonished" Democratic Sen. Bob Menendez for accepting fancy gifts from a South Florida doctor, and they want him to pay back every last cent.

NBC is under fire over its attempts to clean up sexual harassment allegations against prominent figures like Matt Lauer and Tom Brokaw. In new comments to a supermarket tabloid, Lauer says he's sorry he spent so many years being a perverted creep. NOT FORGIVEN.

Trump is threatening to punish countries that don't support the North American bid for the 2026 World Cup, but there's speculation FIFA will hold the international futbol tournament in one of those "shithole" countries to spite Trump.

German Chancellor Angela Merkel will head to DC today to try and stop Trump from starting World War III. Many expect Trump to retch upon noticing her dandruff smells like refugees, and looks like freedom.

Chinese President Xi Jinping is meeting Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi to discuss growing regional tensions, and China's trillion dollar push to dominate the South Pacific.

Conspiracy cranks will be poring over more JFK documents, and trying to figure out why Trump is still keeping a bunch of stuff secret. Everyone else will spend a minute clearing up those known-unknowns.

Europol just shu tdown a known hackers-for-hire website. It's not much, but it's a good start!

Your homework assignment for this weekend is to read this powerful story on Alabama's monument to the thousands of lynching victims. The National Memorial for Peace and Justice reminds people of the horrors wrought by white supremacy.

And here's your morning Nice Time! BABIES AND GOAT KIDS!

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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.


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