Peggy Noonan Disenchanted With Current State Of Political Affairs!


America's Princess of Light, Wall Street Journal columnist Peggy Noonan, has adopted a somber tone for today's edition of "Declarations." While sipping on a petite tumbler of butterscotch liqueur and eating pasty crumpets, Noonan writes about how the financial crisis has shown how terribly inept either candidate would be at fixing America's problems, because neither of them is Zeus or Jesus -- basically, how can we expect anything from a president who lacks even a modicum of magical powers, such as mind control or laser-gun eyes? It's one of those Peggington Noonington columns we love: you disagree with so many obnoxious points along the way, but she manages to end on a few staggering notes that kill you, headlong, right into the weekend.

Here's how she ends it, after many previous paragraphs of calling both candidates pathetic losers:

I wonder if we follow the election so passionately because we're afraid. We're afraid a lot of our national problems are intractable, and the future too full of challenge.

We cannot tolerate feeling this way. So we make believe the election can change everything. And we follow it passionately to convince ourselves its outcome will be decisive and make everything better. We reassure ourselves with pictures of the cheering crowds at the rally. We even find some comfort in the latest story of the latest dirty trick. But deep inside we think: Ah, that won't work either.

Some part of me thinks we are all making believe this is a life-changing election because we know it's not a life-changing election. Ever have that thought? Me too. Then there's a rally or a scandal or a gaffe, and it passes.

SO MANY SWEEPING GENERALIZATIONS, and yet, it's not far off the mark.

Neither of these candidates, really, has acknowledged the depth of what we're facing. It's evident in the way they've ignored, or brushed aside, the most important question that they cannot answer: Where the hell is this country going, or what are we aiming for anymore? We don't make things anymore; our post-industrial economy allows people to either purchase a commoditized college degree and make vast sums of money pushing paper around haplessly or work at Wal-Mart, or McDonald's. Average real household incomes stopped growing 30-some years ago, and yet we still look at GDP growth as the prime indicator of economic wellness. In good times, everyone buys the new robot from Apple; in bad times, people find that that robot has somehow landed them in $30k of consumer debt which they can't pay off, and worse yet, they stopped playing with the fucking robot a week after buying it. And also, oh shit, all of those robots were made in China in one of its robust, expansive 3-year-old metropolises.

Sometimes, when we're bored, we comically invade countries.

So thank you PEGGY for your depressing column, you butt. Still, isn't John McCain the worst? At least Barry might tax away the national debt a little bit, just enough to stave off the Chinese invasion for an extra 10-15 years, during which time we can all put the finishing touches on our makeshift cardboard rockets to Mars.

Why It's Getting Mean [WSJ]

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Robbin Young. Fair use so we can all see the boob picture she sent to her 12 true loves.

Robbin Young starred in the Roger Moore masterpiece For Your Eyes Only as the seventh female lead, "Girl in Flower Shop." She also starred in a bunch of Playboys, and the DM's of a humble Romanian hacker who stole her heart. But he was not a humble Romanian hacker, he was 12 Russian military intelligence officers in a trench coat. And now Young has shared those DMs and pictures of her buzzies with the Sun, because that's the one that's fookin' classy.

See how she loved! See how Guccifer ghosted her ass! See how she loves him (them) still! See how she was all up in Seth Rich and shit! (We think Young's judgment might not be awesome.) Also she wrote this "erotic poem," and we're going to need you to read it.

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And now it is time for your weekly reminder that in the Trump era, FUCKING APESHIT OUTRAGE WORKS.

On Monday, Donald Trump, the transactional president who for some godforsaken reason sees Vladimir Putin has his one true father, discussed making an Art Of The Deal with Russia that involved letting Robert Mueller interrogate the Russian spies who hacked America in 2016 (with Russian supervision, of course, in Russia) in exchange for sending Putin whichever American citizens hurt Putin's poor fragile butthurt pansy-ass feelings the past several years. One of Putin's targets is Michael McFaul, the former ambassador to Russia, whom Putin just hates. Hillary Clinton isn't on the official list yet, but give it a few weeks.

On Wednesday, Sarah Huckabee Sanders looked at reporters and told them Trump's people were considering the idea, but hadn't decided yet, because it's so hard for the Trump administration to decide how many treasons to do per week.

But hooray! The White House has decided that, after literally every American with a patriotic bone in his or her body said, "THE FUCK YOU SAY," they will not send Americans to Putin's gulag after all. The Washington Post reports:

The White House announced Trump's opposition Thursday as the Senate prepared to vote on a resolution telling the president not to honor Putin's request, which would have exposed former U.S. ambassador Michael McFaul, among others, to Russian questioning.

"It is a proposal that was made in sincerity by President Putin, but President Trump disagrees with it," White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said in a statement.

Oh my fucking Lord, Shuckabee, did you really type that Putin's offer was "sincere," or did Donald grab the statement after you finished with it and add those words in illiterate Sharpie in the margins, along with "DOES NOT MEAN PUTIN IS NOT MY BEST FRIEND" and "NO COLLUSION"?

By the way, that resolution passed the Senate with flying colors:

WOMP WOMP, Trump! Sorry American freedom and democracy stepped all over your dick again! Guarantee it's gonna happen again! Go fuck yourself! Enjoy the 48 Big Macs you have for dinner tonight! Don't talk directly into the soccer ball Putin gave you, 'less you want it to talk back to you in Russian!

OK post over.

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[Washington Post]

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