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Peggy Noonan Dismayed By Manner In Which Political Consiglieri Comport Themselves!

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America's arbitrarily reginal czarina of letterputtingtogether, Wall Street Journal columnist Peggy Noonan, is in a tit-bit of a snit! She refuses to deign either American candidate for Leader as possessing the requisite traits to divert the West's neo-mercantilist econometric interplay system from almost certain gloom and/or "doom"! Tut tut, what rogues, what Beelzebubs of fiery pagan disposition, are suppressing the hare-like candor we should expect from our two applicants in an epoch of global Money Plague? Noonington knows: 'tis the candidates' Hired Help -- the "political advisers," as America's boorish Huns know them -- that have poisonedeth the grog of political discourse in the Colonies. Letteth us chance into this seven-day's issuance of "Declarations."


...Exactly. Here's some comical shit Peggy wrote about Obama and McCain's political handlers:

  • "They send their candidates out to speak such thin gruel, such spat-out porridge, that we are struck dumb, and left daydreaming about the fact that Mr. Obama's suits are always slate gray and never seem to wrinkle, and Mr. McCain tonight seems like a rabbity forest creature darting amid the hedgerows." Damn those interminable rabbity forest creatures, always eating our shrubbery during furious dartings amid the hedgerows. Kill them all...
  • "I have grown impatient with the strategists from the campaigns, the little blond monsters who go on cable TV to give us their bouncy, aggressive, tendentious talking points. They are like the men on the plane, the gargoyles with BlackBerrys who think the race is about them and their personal win/loss ratio, who think history is their plaything, who stay up with the press in the bar sipping Perrier and calling it seltzer, and who advise their candidates, in essence, to talk down to the voters, to the American people." Pulitzer much?

Declarations: Playing Frisbee on a Precipice [WSJ]

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