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Every day is Good Friday in theWall Street Journal, because Friday is Peggy's Day, and this week her wonderful Declaration is right there in the headline, "At Least Bush Kept Us Safe." Wait, what? Let's just ask the old Internets here and double-check, because it is so hard to remember, say, when TERRORISTS BLEW UP MOTHERFUCKING MANHATTAN, WITH JETS, WHICH RUINED EVERYTHING FOREVER.


Umm, yep, Google says September 11, 2001. Who was president then, anyway? Right, right, Al Gore. That fat faggot, he killed 3,000 innocent Americans who weren't even in the military, and then he started a war with the wrong place, and luckily he was indicted for War Crimes and then executed on teevee -- along with Lieberman, which was extra-awesome -- and the Supreme Court appointed George Bush Junior to be president because he actually won Florida, it was finally determined, and Bush kept us safe!

Reading Peggy Noonan's column is an exercise in intentional dangerous insanity, like taking Ecstasy before a street fight, or eating a bowl of glass shards. And sometimes, she goes into double-secret stealth mode, luring you into a false sense of calm and complacency -- Oh, she's just writing a mildly amusing diary entry from some GOP holiday party in Reston or McLean or whatever, don't worry -- and then you realize the dipshit headline (probably just written by this douche, right?) is actually lifted from her suddenly lunatic prose.

Back to the Christmas gathering. There was no grousing about John McCain, and considerable grousing about the Bush administration, but it was almost always followed by one sentence, and this is more or less what it was: "But he kept us safe."

This is the special moment that comes in nearly every Peggy Noonan column, the bit when you sputter out something like "Jesus fucking christ that did NOT happen at all, anywhere." Was there a Christmas party in Northern Virginia, even? If so, was Peggy Noonan really in town for it? Who knows?! She may have imagined the whole thing in a vodka-percocet stupor, from inside a confession booth at her beloved St. Thomas More Church on the Upper East Side, weeping and shaking as the Men and Boys Choir sang vespers.

George Bush Junior will be remembered for many things, for a very long time. But the witless clown who jacked off at his pretend ranch in Crawford while freaked-out FBI agents were frantically begging for White House help in stopping an organized plot unveiling itself within the United States for foreign hijackers to crash passenger jets into high-profile American buildings will certainly the fuck not be remembered by anyone as the guy who "kept us safe."

'At Least Bush Kept Us Safe' [Peggy Noonan/Wall Street Journal]

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Look, it is your afternoon Nice Times at the Supreme Court! It is also your WUT and HUH Times, with Justices Thomas, Sotomayor, Kagan and Gorsuch joining in an opinion by RBG tossing a challenge to Virginia's new, fair districts. Go know!

After the 2010 Census, Republicans in the Virginia House of Delegates did what they do best -- they stole more elections, redrawing the electoral map to ensure themselves a supermajority for all eternity. Why let the voters choose their representatives when the representatives can pick their own voters as the founders intended, right? Voters in 12 of the affected districts sued the Virginia State Board of Elections in 2014 to invalidate the districts as illegal racial gerrymanders, and the House of Delegates intervened in Bethune-Hill v. Va. State Bd. of Elections to support the Board and defend its own power.

After extensive litigation including a trip up to the Supreme Court in 2017, the District Court in the Eastern District of Virginia tossed 11 of the districts as illegal racial gerrymanders and ordered the maps redrawn in 2018. At which point, the Commonwealth of Virginia noped out and quit defending the old, craptastic districts, which should have been the end of it.

BUT NO. The Virginia House of Delegates, which is still held by the GOP despite their party netting nine percent fewer votes than Democrats in the 2017 election, vowed to fight on.

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Spinal Tap - Gimme Some Money

Some dick is suing your Wonkette! If you are able, will you please send money?

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3. Click "paypal" if you are paypal or "stripe" if you are not paypal.

4. MONEY.

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