Nancy Pelosi To Kevin McCarthy: Try Again, MFer

Womp womp, sounds like Jim Jordan and Jim Banks, two insurrectionists who serve as Republicans in Congress, will not be serving on the bipartisan committee to investigate the terrorist attack Donald Trump had delivered to the Capitol on January 6.

This week, GOP Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy chose five Republicans for the commission. Three of them were seditionists who voted against certifying the 2020 election Joe Biden won in a landslide. You know, just like in criminal trials for axe murderers, where by law half the jury has to be axe murderers who think axe murdering is jolly fun. It's only fair.

McCarthy had chosen Reps. Jim Banks of Indiana, Kelly Armstrong of North Dakota, Rodney Davis of Illinois, Jim Jordan of Ohio, and first-term Rep. Troy Nehls of Texas. (Banks, Jordan, and Nehls are the seditionists.) McCarthy called his picks a "microcosm of the conference." That's about right. There are currently 211 Republicans in the House, and 148 voted for sedition, which is around 70 percent. Why, McCarthy even rounded down, by making his five picks only 60 percent seditionist!

In response, Jim Jordan immediately started doing that thing where he screams "SQUIRREL! SQUIRREL!" about witch hunts against Donald Trump or something, a "whatabout" tactic we assume he perfected in order to distract people from the team doctor molesting all the college wrestlers behind the curtain back at Ohio State. Meanwhile, Jim Banks started saying paint-huffing words about investigating Black Lives Matter rallies and "Nancy Pelosi created this committee solely to malign conservatives and to justify the Left's authoritarian agenda." Very serious people.

Of course, Nancy Pelosi has a say in this. McCarthy gets to appoint people, subject to the speaker's approval. And Pelosi has now had her say, and those two dicks, Jordan and Banks, do not have the speaker's approval. (She let the third seditionist, Nehls, stay.) In a press release, Pelosi explained that she had told McCarthy she was rejecting those two, as they would compromise the integrity of the commission, so please spin your wheel of magic insurrectionists and see if you can find two more worthy. "The unprecedented nature of January 6th demands this unprecedented decision," wrote Pelosi.

And oh boy, Kevin McCarthy is mad. If Pelosi doesn't let McCarthy's two very good un-American piece of shit sedition boys on the committee, then McCarthy won't let Pelosi have ANY Republicans!

McCarthy issued a statement saying that if Pelosi doesn't respect his authoritah and appoint all his picks, "Republicans will not be party to their sham process and will instead pursue our own investigation of the facts." Sure, buddy. Pelosi responded, "We have a bipartisan quorum. We can proceed." (Remember how she appointed a Republican, Liz Cheney? BIPARTISAN QUORUM. They can proceed.)

Point is, this is just as unfair as when a bunch of imaginary cows on Twitter started undermining Devin Nunes's chairmanship of the House Intelligence Committee during its Russia investigation, which Nunes was supposed to be recused from, just because Nunes was an important part of covering up and distracting from Trump's Russian collusion crimes.

How will Republicans do the important work of covering up Donald Trump's January 6 crimes and screaming about antifa and Black Lives Matter on Nancy Pelosi's committee NOW? This is a OUTRAGE.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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