People Have Paid Millions To Listen To George W. Bush, For Some Reason

• The new rule is that making money is bad (if you're a Clinton). And making money by charging speaking fees is bad (if you're a Clinton). And being able to charge a TON of money because people really want to hear you say words is REALLY BAD (if you're a Clinton). But the jury is still out if your name is George W. Bush:  

  Since 2009, POLITICO has found, Bush has given at least 200 paid speeches and probably many more, typically pocketing $100,000 to $175,000 per appearance. The part-time work, which rarely requires more than an hour on stage, has earned him tens of millions of dollars.

  Nice work if you can get it, but the real question is, how the hell does Dubya get the work? The other question is, how badly do you have to hit your head to think Wisdom From George Dubya is worth the spare change mixed with cat hair and Doritos crumbs under your couch cushions, let alone SIX FIGURES? But according to groups that have hired Bush to speak at them, like the Samaritan Inn, a homeless shelter in Texas, hiring Bush was a great "bargain" that raised a million bucks for the shelter, for the low price of $100,000, which was a lot cheaper than, say, Hillary Clinton. So everyone wins, we guess? While we're still scratching our heads that anyone would pay money to listen to Bush speak, one more question: If it's so bad and wrong to make millions of dollars giving speeches (if you're a Clinton), why aren't Republicans yelling at George W. Bush too? Never mind, we think we know the answer.

• President Obama says the Supreme Court shoulda kept its dirty judicial hands off Obamacare:

  On Monday, President Barack Obama said the Supreme Court should not have taken up the challenge to the Affordable Care Act in King v. Burwell.

  "This should be an easy case. Frankly, it probably should not even have been taken up," Obama said during a press conference at the G-7 summit in Germany. [...]

  “What’s more the thing’s working,” Obama said. “Part of what is bizarre about the whole thing is that we have not had a lot of conversation about the horrors of Obamacare because none of them have come to pass.”

• Oh P.S. and by the way, most Americans agree with the president:  

  Respondents said they oppose the law by a margin of 54 to 39 percent. But 55 percent said the justices should not block subsidies from Americans enrolled through the federal Affordable Care Act exchange, rather than a state exchange.

  The poll also shows that Americans are idiots, because they think they oppose Obamacare, but they don't want to lose it. Which proves they are idiots. But you already knew that.

• We are going to Mars, y'all. One day. In a flying saucer:  

  NASA's "flying saucer" had a second test flight today to test technology that will help us land heavy loads – and eventually people – on Mars. [...]

  So far, NASA has used parachute technology designed in the 1970s to decelerate and land things on Mars, most recently the 899-kilogram Curiosity rover in 2012.

  But sending humans to Mars will require much heavier loads than the 1.5-tonne maximum that the traditional parachute technology allows Supplies needed to construct safe living quarters and rockets that will allow them to return to Earth could weigh several tonnes.

• Happy Nice Time People makes us laugh so hard sometimes. Not even going to tell you what this is about because we know you'll wanna click to find out:

  You know how everything’s funnier when you’re stoned? You spend an entire hour wondering why the syrup doesn’t come out of Mrs. Butterworth’s boobs because she’s like your surrogate breakfast mother and that would be hilarious and so deep, man. Or you come up with the entire overarching plotline for the fifth season of your TV show only to realize the next morning that it’s all an indecipherable—and unfunny—pile of garbage.

• Here is a list of swears your grandma used to say. (Our grandmother says "Heavens to Betsy," which is Our Grandmother for "OMG!" or "bullshit.") Enjoy!