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Don't let the handcuffs hit ya in the crack of the ass!


Why is Eric Greitens STILL HERE? How have the Missouri GOP not wrestled this pervert to the ground and dragged him off the stage? Congratulations, Republicans! You've saddled yourself to an(other) unflushable POS, and the only thing keeping this Missouri scandal off the front page is the three-ring circus/burlesque/dogfight in the White House. Slow fucking clap!

We've already told you about Greitens's abusive affair with his hairdresser. He's under investigation for tying her to the exercise machine in his basement, yanking her clothes off, and taking a picture while threatening to expose her if she ever mentioned his name. You can read all the sordid details here -- we simply can't face a rehash on a day when That Lunatic in DC started tweeting at 5:50 this morning. Suffice it to say, Greitens has been charged with felony invasion of privacy by the "St. Louis liberal" circuit attorney who looks just like George Soros, only browner. (No she doesn't.)

Greitens's despicable (and possibly criminal) fuckery has unleashed unholy hell among Missouri Republicans, who are themselves a hellish lot on the best of days. Attorney General Josh Hawley, who is running to unseat Claire McCaskill in the Senate, has belatedly realized that he should maybe take a look at allegations from 2016 that the Greitens campaign lifted the donor list from his veterans charity The Mission Continues. The statute of limitations has almost expired, but now that Greitens is a walking toxic waste dump, Hawley squinted hard and decided that printing out the donor list is felony computer tampering, and he'd like that St. Louis liberal lady to get right on that.

Greitens, who has no shits left to give, responded thusly at a press conference yesterday.

Fortunately for Josh, he’s better at press conferences than the law. Anyone who has set foot in a Missouri courtroom knows these allegations are ridiculous. Josh has turned the “evidence” he claims to have over to St. Louis Circuit Attorney Kim Gardner -- a liberal prosecutor funded by George Soros who allegedly suborned perjury, falsified documents, and withheld evidence. We will dispense with these false allegations.

A Jewish politician invoking the specter of Holocaust survivor George Soros?

From YiddishWit.com

In the past, Hawley and Greitens were close allies. Now Hawley is trying to pull an I DON'T KNOW HER, but Claire McCaskill is not here for that.

We’re glad that Hawley has come out of hiding to acknowledge the existing evidence of criminal behavior of the Governor. However, the sad truth is that this shows gross incompetence on the part of the Attorney General. The evidence in this case has been publicly available since October 2016 — what excuse could Josh Hawley possibly have for failing to pursue an investigation and allowing this evidence to languish for over a year? The only reason the statute of limitations is now a problem in this case is because Hawley was trying to protect his friend and large donor for as long as possible.

It ain't beanbag!

Oh, lookie here at Josh Hawley's campaign finance disclosure. Who's that giving him $6,875? Why it's Eric Greitens's campaign. NBD.

After a month of nasty shit, the Missouri GOP has finally tapped out, calling for Greitens to resign and threatening to impeach him sometime if he doesn't leave on his own. Even Sarah Huckabee Sanders finds the situation "very concerning," so you know it's serious!

Governor Greitens has given the matter some serious thought, and his answer is FUCK YOU AND THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON!

Looks like the party of Family Values and Personal Responsibility is gonna have to take out the trash their own selves. You broke it, you own it.

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[Missouri Times / CNN / McClatchy]

Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.

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