These news trucks are parked outside Hillary Clinton's (and our) hotel in Philadelphia, on Broad Street. That is corrupt City Hall in the background, the evil gothic thing. What else is happening in Philadelphia today? Much of it involves Thomas Jefferson, penis food, sparkly voting signs and Star Wars musicals. Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton have been overrun by this strange City on a Landfill.

Much like Washington D.C., Philadelphia is owned by an elite group of Homosexuals called "Rainbows."

Over at the University of Pennsylvania, many young politics-averse students with their iPods were too blasé to concern themselves with American Democracy. But then they saw the blue stars on this sign and excitedly ran in to vote, because how pretty are the stars?

Thomas Jefferson is ALIVE AND LIVES IN PHILLY IN A GARDEN. He voted for "the slave," and promised to free him in his will.

Philadelphia is very excited about this Star Wars musical that is finally coming to town. We went and saw it 20 times this afternoon, but didn't care for it.

For lunch we ate Ben Franklin's penis. This is what Philadelphians dine on every meal.