Pillow Guy Uninvited From Republican Governors Confab Just For Being A Crazy Dick!
Was it WISE for Mike Lindell to go on Steve Bannon's podcast and threaten to confront Governors Brian Kemp and Doug Ducey at this week's Republican Governors' Association meeting in Tennessee? Was it smart to announce that he planned to whip out his Frank — rhetorical hyperbole — and wave it around as proof that the 2020 election was RIGGED?
No, it was not. But no one has ever accused the Pillow Fluffer of suffering from an excess of discretion. And so it was that the reformed Krakenhead (ALLEGEDLY!) (wait, no, ADMITTEDLY!) stopped off en route to the RGA to preview for Bannon and his audience exactly what he planned say to the Georgia and Arizona executives later that evening.
"I hope I get him one on one tonight, him and Doug, to say 'Why? Why would you do this to America? Why would you do this to the United States? What's behind that?'" Lindell shouted.
Earlier in the segment, Bannon wound up his excitable guest to go after Kemp and Ducey. "Not only did they not assist, they have been the central roadblock," Bannon vamped, describing the leaders as being "on the side that wants to suppress this information" and crediting Lindell with being "the tip of the spear" in advancing the Big Lie about election fraud.
"Correct me if I'm wrong, but is Brian Kemp of Georgia, is he the chairman of the committee at the Republican Governors in charge of election integrity?"
"That is correct. I looked at that and went 'WHAT?" Lindell shouted, even louder than usual.
"Are you planning to confront these two?" Bannon wondered again, goading his guest into confrontation.
"Absolutely," Lindell chuckled, adding, "Maybe they won't talk to me, but I certainly am gonna ask them."
Yeah, MAYBE. Maybe the governors' security details would put Lindell in a headlock if he tried that shit. But in the event, they were spared the confrontation after Lindell attempted to board a shuttle transporting members to a dinner at Tennessee Governor Bill Lee's official residence and was informed that he was no longer welcome at RGA events for the duration of the spring meeting.
"He said: 'I got bad news. I just got a call and you're uninvited,' " Lindell told the Washington Post. "I said, 'Why?' He said, 'It has something to do with Brian Kemp and Doug Ducey.'"
You don't have to be a governor to belong to the RGA. Politico, which broke the story, reports that Lindell attended multiple prior meetings and was even encouraged to run for governor of Minnesota at last winter's confab. Of course, that was before he lost his goddamn mind, tried to get the president to declare martial law, and declared war on Georgia's Brian Kemp, which may or may not have cost Republicans control of the US Senate. So now he finds himself summarily booted out of the conference just moments after picking up his badge at the Marriott in Nashville.
But don't you worry, kids, the Pillow Man will get the last laugh yet.
"I'm bringing all my stuff to the Supreme Court between five or six weeks at the latest," he promised Bannon, which is coincidentally the same amount of time he predicted it would take to get his unhackable print-out-the-YouTubes site "Frank" going. "And all the ground game that is going on, these states could fall like dominoes right now!"
Or they could deflate like Lindell's Frank, which was supposed to put Mr. Google, Mr. Alphabet, Suckabuck, and Dorky out of business but has thus far failed to manage to keep it up for any sustained period of time. Can't wait to see him hurl that hotdog down a hallway in Wisconsin next month with Dinesh D'Souza and Diamond 'n' Silk.
Stay in school, kids!
And OPEN THREAD!
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Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.