Pillow Salesman Promises To Imprison Social Media CEOs In Cells Made Of Voting Machines
Noted Pillow entrepreneur Mike Lindell spoke at the Trump rally in Selma, North Carolina yesterday, whereupon he promised those who managed to show up that, soon enough, all of the CEOs of all of the social media companies that he believes "stole the election" would be going to prison.
This seems largely unlikely, as it is not technically possible to arrest, nay, convict anyone for things other people made up about them. Also because every one of Lindell's promises to these people has fallen flat. He has promised them for over a year now that he would produce "evidence" proving that Trump actually won the election, that Trump would be back in office by now, that his own site, Frank Speech, was going to be a social media site that was even better than Twitter or Facebook and then couldn't even get it together to launch that.
But, because they are a hopeful (if deluded and creepily vindictive) people, the Trumpists cheered loudly at this proclamation, in anticipation of how happy they would be if they got to see all of the social media CEOs locked up for being mean to them and their president.
Lindell started out by explaining that things were real rough for him when he first started his pillow business. That he was living in his sister's basement and had ten employees, and then he did an infomercial and all of a sudden had 500 employees and a thriving pillow business and made "$100 million in six months" and then woke up to find that he was six million dollars in debt. And then he dug himself out of that whole for two years, and he "learned" about the corruption that led this to happen and moved on and fixed everything.
This, he explains, is meant to be analogous to what Trump supporters have been through since the 2020 election, explaining that if they had gotten what they wanted right away (as he had previously promised they would), that they never would have learned all of the things that they did. Or, rather, made up as many weird conspiracies as they have managed to do.
And because of that, these social media CEOs will now go to prison.
On Jan. 7th – a year ago – they tried to cancel our voice forever. That was the day, not just when they took our great president’s Twitter away, 1.2 million people, mostly in the United States, were canceled, their platforms on Vimeo, and YouTube – crooked YouTube – and Google and Zuckerbuck’s Facebook and all these platforms, right? Well we know that Zuckerbuck – we learned what he did to steal our election, right? They’ll all be going to prison. They’re all going to be going to prison, trust me. I said it before, we're gonna melt down these machines and make prison bars out of them.
To be clear, Mike Lindell does not even have the authority to put anyone in a pillow fort, nevermind actual prison.
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Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse