Pizzagate Shooter Pleads 'Not Guilty,' Surely His Excuse Will Be Fascinating

Edgar M. Welch, whom we must refer to as the "alleged" Pizzagate shooter, despite the fact that he was caught in the act and admits he did it, has pleaded "not guilty" on all charges.

A grand jury indicted Welch on three charges on Thursday, charging him with interstate transport of a firearm for the purposes of committing a crime, assault with a dangerous weapon, and possession of a firearm during the commission of a violent crime. The possession charge carries a maximum of 15 years in jail, and the other two charges carry a maximum of 10 each.

Welch, who was caught in the act, admits he drove to D.C. from his home in North Carolina for the purposes of "self-investigating" whether or not there was a child sex slave ring operating out of Comet Ping Pong and operated somehow by Hillary Clinton and John Podesta, which of course there was not. Because that is fucking ridiculous.

Given that it's fairly obvious that Welch did in fact walk into Comet Ping Pong and open fire, and that he has already said that he thought he was doing the world a favor somehow by opening fire in a pizza place with employees and customers and children who were not being trafficked as sex slaves but were in fact just eating some pizza all around, it is hard to imagine how he is going to claim he's not guilty of any of this.

Is he going to say that it's cool because he thinks he did it for the "right reasons?" That if he was right and there really was a child sex ring operating out of the non-existent Comet Ping Pong basement he'd be a hero? Is he going to suggest that he was brainwashed by Alex Jones and 4chan? "Meme Magic made me do it"? How is this defense going to work, exactly? I can't see one working, but I am dying to know how this is going to play out.


Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse


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