Muy caliente!

The other day, the world was shocked-but-not-really to find out that Playboy, the iconic magazine known mostly for hard-hitting journalism and the occasional picture of a booby, would be getting rid of the boobies entirely and going to a boner-free format. It makes sense because porn is so easy to find on the intertubes that we sometimes run across it when we're trying to find pictures to put on these here Wonket articles. (And then we miss our deadline entirely, SORRY KAILI.)

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But while in the United States the news was greeted with barely a diddle-whimper, it turns out that down there, it was all nightmarish chaos and taco trucks overturned in the streets, because in countries what don't have as much as constant internet access as we have, they don't do as much internet-porning as we do. Also they probably still like the feel and smell of an old-fashioned titty rag in their hands and in their bunks.

Well, RELAX, SPANISHES. You can still jerk off to Playboy, but you'll have to do it en Español:

Playboy Magazine’s announcement that it would stop publishing photographs of naked women caused sheer panic in Mexico.

So Playboy’s Mexico website issued a reassurance to its readers, telling them that the U.S. decision would not be implemented south of the border.

The end of nudity in U.S. Playboy editions, the website said in Spanish, “does NOT apply to the edition in our country. The magazine has the discretion of whether to show photographs according to the preference of the Mexican market.”

You thought we were kidding when we said "nightmarish chaos and overturned taco trucks." Fox News Latino says "sheer panic," and Fox News is probably right about things sometimes! It's reported that the Argentinian Facebook page for Playboy also reassured its panicked reader-fappers that they would, "for the moment at least," keep printing the girl-nipples and the tastefully posed hoo-nannies.

So chill, Mexico, you don't have to be like this anymore:

And Argentina, it'll be OK, THE BAD NEWS DOESN'T APPLY TO YOU:

And now everybody in the Western Hemisphere is slamming his or her respective clam, secure in the belief that the porns will never run out. Gloria a Dios!

[Fox News Latino / .GIF via Buzzfeed]