PolitiFact Tackles Hot-Button Issue Of Obamacare Beheadings

It would be so exciting to live in a country where "Obamacare Medical Codes Confirm: Execution by Beheading To Be Implemented in America", but PolitiFact says no, we cannot live there because there is a fire on its pants. Why is PolitiFact so mean to our childlike sense of wonder and our precious need to feel threatened, which helps us pretend we're important? All this rage isn't going to misdirect itself, darn it!

Still, maybe we can have some fun playing "Why Would Obama Actually Want To Do This?" Does he miss the Kenya of his youth, where a boy cannot be called a man until he is beheaded in ancient rites? No, that one is boring now. Maybe it's an order from the Great Eye of the Bilderberg Pyramid? Perhaps, but that still doesn't explain the chemtrails. In fact it is not particularly clear why the President would be so concerned with the legal status of beheadings when all of his past usurpations have been so gleefully lawless. It is out of character, surely.

And now we will stop writing about this in our winking "fellow wingnut patriot who is sometimes improbably self-aware" voice that we use too often but really, it is that voice or try to find 20 different, entertaining ways of saying "Holy Jesus, this is politics in America in 2014," which is something we can do but it's way, way harder.

Holy Jesus, this is politics in America in 2014.

Something good, though: One neat thing PolitiFact is doing now (and probably has been for a while; we do not "click around" PolitiFact that often) is providing every political person's all-time utterance stats on their profiles, with the total number statements rated as "true," "mostly true," "half-true," "mostly false," "false," and "pants on fire," which is different from "false" somehow. So we fired up Excel and made it do math for us!

DEMOCRATS:

Party

Person

True

Mostly True

Half True

Mostly False

False

Pants On Fire

TOTAL

% True, Mostly True

%True, Mostly, Half

D Obama

109

119

135

59

67

9

498

45.78%

72.89%

D Clinton

32

8

22

15

8

2

87

45.98%

71.26%

D Biden

13

14

17

10

8

3

65

41.54%

67.69%

D Pelosi

2

2

11

3

4

2

24

16.67%

62.50%

D Reid

2

3

3

3

5

2

18

27.78%

44.44%

D Schumer

0

2

0

1

2

0

5

40.00%

40.00%

D TOTAL

158

148

188

91

94

18

697

43.90%

70.88%

REPUBLICANS:

Party

Person

True

Mostly True

Half True

Mostly False

False

Pants On Fire

TOTAL

% True, Mostly True

%True, Mostly, Half

R Romney

30

33

56

33

32

19

203

31.03%

58.62%

R Christie

20

17

24

8

14

7

90

41.11%

67.78%

R Rubio

13

14

15

14

9

2

67

40.30%

62.69%

R Boehner

17

3

9

12

18

2

61

32.79%

47.54%

R Palin

13

6

7

9

15

6

56

33.93%

46.43%

R Cruz

1

3

4

7

8

4

27

14.81%

29.63%

R McConnell

2

3

3

3

4

0

15

33.33%

53.33%

R TOTAL

96

79

118

86

100

40

519

33.72%

56.45%

Well that is weird! Whoops, not "weird," what is the word? Predictable, that's right. PolitiFact thinks Democrats are between "some bit" and "much many" more truthful than Republicans. Remember when PolitiFact bestowed the coveted Order of the Conflagration of St. Trousers upon Obama for "You can keep your plan"? Remember how Republicans loved PolitiFact then? You should remember that, it happened.

In actual PolitiFact, the Kenyan socialist is pretty honest, by politician standards. Only paragon of forthrightness Hillary Clinton gives him a run for his money, edging him on "true" + "mostly true," but falling short when "half-true" is added. Hillary is just not as slick as our B. Barry Smoove, who says what we wants to hear and says it so pretty that we don't even care that it's not, strictly speaking, true. Romney came out a little worse than we expected, bested by Sarah "Small Sample Size" Palin. Christie was the most honest Republican politician by PolitiFact's "data," which is like being the smartest toenail. (Here is the part where we are intellectually honest and note that there appears to be a correlation between a figure's number of statements rated and that figure's truthfulness, probably because infrequently rated people mostly attract attention when they say something nutty. Still, Ted Cruz, wow.)

We forgot to add Paul Ryan to the GOP side, but let's just say he does not help. 

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[ PolitiFact ]