Poor Ainsley Earhardt Stuck In This Tiny Room Forever Because Feminists Murdered All The Door-Holders
For anyone who identifies as a feminist, there is a whole lot to be angry about these days. From the never-ending parade of states trying to take away our reproductive rights to having President Pussygrabber in office, to violence against women, to sexual violence, to misogyny, to incels going on killing sprees because they can't get a girlfriend.
And, of course, door-holding. Oh, how we are always talking about door-holding and how very much we give a crap about whether or not men do it. It is truly astounding that we ever get anything done, what with all the time we spend talking about how much we hate it when dudes open doors for us.
Yesterday, on Fox and Friends, host Ainsley Earhardt brought on some random lady named Carol Roth, who recently wrote an op-ed on Fox's internet home for olds who figured out the internet: "Dear Militant Feminists: Stop Messing It Up For The Rest of Us." Ms. Roth was there to explain how unfair it is of feminists to keep stabbing men in the face whenever they try to open a door for us — particularly when they, as ladies, very much enjoy having doors opened for them and do not appreciate us putting them off the practice.
Transcript via Media Matters:
CAROL ROTH (AUTHOR): Hey, Ainsley, well the good news is that chivalry is not dead. But the bad news is, is that there a bunch of militant feminists who are trying to kill it for us. And I'm assuming that you are like I am and love a little bit of chivalry, a nice man opening a door for you or perhaps letting you order first.
EARHARDT: I love the fact that we have the right to vote, and I love the fact that there's equal pay. You wrote about that. But that's completely different than chivalry and manners. And you say you absolutely love it. You've been married to your husband for a long time and he always opens the door for you, and you wouldn't have it any other way.
ROTH: I certainly wouldn't. I love every aspect of it. My husband and I have been together for 22 years. Every time we go to our car, he opens the car door for me, and he's been an amazing example for people like our nephew and godsons who watch him do that and are taking that on. The bad news is, is that restaurants, per an article that was circulating on social media, they're stopping doing a lot of this classical training. They don't want to serve ladies first, they don't want to use phrases like ladies and gentlemen, because there are women complaining that that's soft sexism. And that's not sexism. That's just class and elegance.
EARHARDT: It's just courtesy.
ROTH: -- And if you are angry about about being served first I feel like you need to reassess your values.
We're skipping over Earhardt's solving equal pay (which we are ever so happy to learn we have now!) and to whatever nonsense they spouted after that. I found the article Roth was so upset about. It is from 2018 and about how fancy restaurants don't have "ladies menus" anymore (a thing I had literally no idea even existed in the first place; for those who also didn't know, it's a menu without prices so women wouldn't have to worry their silly heads) and some are just serving people according to their seat number rather than their gender.
Now, I am angry about a lot of things. In fact, I am so preoccupied with things to be angry about that I genuinely could not tell you who has ordered first the last several times I have been out to dinner. I also regularly open doors for people whenever I get there first, and I say thank you when people open doors for me. Like normal! Then again, I also do not go to restaurants where anyone is going to say "ladies and gentlemen" in the first place, because I am cheap.
Earhardt and Roth also feel importantly about getting their pretzels first on an airplane, which is another thing I didn't realize was a thing. I always thought they went by who was least asleep.
EARHARDT: I know, I know on an airplane you like to be served first. You want to be the first one asked. So, when I get on an airplane, though, sometimes men will be sitting there and I have this heavy bag, I'm trying to put it in the cart above me, and no one gets up to help me anymore. Why is that?
ROTH: I think it's terrible. And it's interesting, I have gotten a lot of people reaching out to me, literally thousands of comments and emails, and men are afraid that women are going to yell at them because these militant feminists, when a man does offer some help or open a door, that they take it personally. They say, "I can open the door myself." It's not about you. It's about the gentleman showing his manners and it's about having some courtesy and common sense in this society.
Has anyone ever actually done this? I have been a feminist all my life, I was raised by a feminist, all of my friends are feminists. Not once in my life have I ever seen anyone be rude to someone opening a door for them, male or female. Maybe these ladies are just friends with rude people? I mean, given how desperate conservatives are to be "free" to say insulting things to people without social consequences, maybe this is actually a thing they are doing? I don't know!
EARHARDT: Why do some women feel that way? Why are there those ultra feminists that believe that they should do everything themselves?
ROTH: I mean, you would -- I have no idea. I mean, it's like asking to explain crazy. I don't know why they are so upset. Distinction is not discrimination. Somebody is not discriminating against you or holding you back because they opened the door. It's not that they don't believe that you can't open the door, it's doing something that is nice. It's something that frankly we all do for each other anyway. But again, if you're being served first, or they're helping you with your luggage, or God forbid they're not knocking you down in the aisle when you try to get off the plane, that's just basic civilization. And at the end of the day men are our allies, they're not our enemies. And this constant battle with the feminists against men is really creating a lot of toxicity in society. So my plea here, Ainsley, is if you want to be miserable, be miserable yourself but don't muck it up for the rest of us.
EARHARDT: Some believe this PC culture has gone way too far.
Are we that upset though? I feel like we are not!
I also feel, quite frankly, that both Roth and Earhardt completely misunderstand the entire purpose of etiquette and manners. The purpose of these things is not to show off how fancy one is, or even to perpetuate the idea of women as being fragile. The entire point of good manners is to make sure that other people feel comfortable and welcomed. Part of the reason why many restaurants are going "gender neutral" is because they understand that something like a "ladies menu" is going to make people feel ridiculous, and because they cannot always assume they know what gender someone identifies as. That, actually, is good manners. It is called "being considerate," and if you don't understand that "being considerate" is the first and most important rule of etiquette, then you do not get to speak on the subject.
Anyway, these are not the only ways in which Carol Roth would appreciate some chivalry in her life. In her op-ed, she also explained that she enjoys the kind of chivalry in which men die.
I appreciate the fact that when the Titanic sunk, the women and children were allowed off first, and would appreciate the same courtesy today.
You can open the door, Leo, but there's no room on it for you! Sorry, guess you will just have to freeze to death! Like a true gentleman!
Another thing Carol Roth likes is when we send young men off to war to die instead of her.
I am glad I was never eligible for the draft.
Me too, Carol, but also I'd prefer that we didn't draft anyone? That seems like a better plan to me, but maybe that's just because I am one of those evil militant feminists you are complaining about. I also think it is bad to force men to die in stupid wars.
This is not the first time Ainsley Earhardt has raged against the dying of the knights. In fact, right around this same time last year, she brought Suzanne Venker, niece of Phyllis Schlafly, on to discuss the very same pertinent issue. With the exact same clip from the exact same Steve Harvey movie!
"Chivalry is Dead & Feminism Killed It" - Suzanne Venker on Fox & Friends youtu.be
Clearly, this is no small issue for her.
Because I am a kind and empathetic person, I gave some thought to why this might be. Why, oh why, is Ainsley Earhardt so concerned with door-holding? What has happened in her life that has led to this being such a big issue for her?
It was then that I came across this 1000% real picture of Ainsley Earhardt clapping her tiny little hands:
It became clear to me, immediately, that this particular issue of hers had naught to do with me or any other feminists, but rather the fact that she cannot open doors herself. Not with those little doll hands! Clearly, this is a cry for help. Perhaps she is trapped inside a tiny room with giant doorknobs in the Fox News Studio, unable to escape without assistance? And Carol and Suzanne are trapped in there with her, consigned to writing coded op-eds (which it takes them full a year to write, on account of how they have to daintily hunt and peck each letter with their tiny baby fists) begging for someone to set them free?
I then found this picture of Carol Roth on her very own website. I ask you, America—how is she to open doors with those hands? It would not be possible! She does not even possess opposable thumbs!
So I beg of you, "gentlemen" of the world. Please go let Ainsley Earhardt and her friends out of this room they are trapped in, and continue to open doors for them in the future. I promise that neither I nor any other feminist will stab you in the face for attempting this! Just do us a favor and stop trying to take our reproductive rights away, okay? What a bummer!
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Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. In addition to her work at Wonkette, she also has a biweekly column at Dame. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse