Donald Trump has been so excited lately, clinging desperately to hopes for retroactive victories that will never materialize.

This weekend, on his Tumblr LiveJournal thingie, he SCREAMING ALL CAPS ANNOUNCED that the "entire Database of Maricopa County in Arizona has been DELETED!" (Yes, he capitalized "database.") He explained that this is "illegal" and "unbelievable Election crime." He added that "Many Radical Left Democrats and weak Republicans are very worried about the fact that this has been exposed. The DELETION of an entire Database and critical Election files of Maricopa County is unprecedented. Many other States to follow." (Again, all the weird capital letters are his.)

And oh man, the jizz we imagine had to be cleaned off the ugly marble floor at whatever trash palace he was typing from.

Of course, the clownfuck Arizona frauditors have now admitted that the database was not deleted, as they had earlier stupidly alleged. As the Mercury News puts it, "They now admit they were looking for the information the wrong way."

That was one of the allegations brought forth by moron Arizona Senate President Karen Fann last week, who GRRR-ARGH-ED at the Maricopa County Board of Supervisors, saying "the main database for all election related data" was just GONE, and PLEASE EXPLAIN. And the Board of Supervisors, which is 80 percent Republican, did explain, in a letter you must read, that Arizona Senate Republicans and their Cyber Ninjas frauditors are just absolute breathtaking idiots.

In Trump's statement above, he says, "Many other States to follow," because he's been pretty certain the Cyber Ninjas bugfuckstravaganza will go on the road as soon as they find TEH FRAUDS in Arizona. Trump really hoped they were going to Michigan, specifically.

He typed on his MySpace last week:

The major Michigan Election Fraud case has just filed a bombshell pleading claiming votes were intentionally switched from President Trump to Joe Biden. The number of votes is MASSIVE and determinative. This will prove true in numerous other States. All Republicans must UNIFY and not let this happen. If a thief robs a jewelry store of all of its diamonds (the 2020 Presidential Election), the diamonds must be returned. The Fake News media refuses to cover the greatest Election Fraud in the history of our Country. They have lost all credibility, but ultimately, they will have no choice!

Yeeeeeah, buddy.

A Michigan judge has just dispensed with that nonsense. The MASSIVE AND DETERMINATIVE MAJOR CASE has been thrown out, and there will be no new audit. Womp womp.


Law & Crime summarizes:

The lawsuit, which aimed to force a new audit of the 2020 presidential election results in Antrim County, apparently wasn't strong enough to live past a motion to dismiss filed by Michigan's secretary of state and the Antrim County clerk's office.

And the Cyber Ninjas really thought they were going to get to go to Michigan to find the frauds! Sadface emoji.

Thirteenth Circuit Court Judge Kevin Elsenheimer ruled that the lawsuit filed by Michigan resident Bill Bailey lacks the legal grounds to move forward due to a statewide post-election audit that finished up in March, according to Cadillac-based CBS affiliate WWTV.

"There is no right, either in the constitutional section, or in the statute, for the independent audit that Mr. Bailey seeks as a petitioner under article 2 section 4," the court noted. "The plaintiff does not get to choose his own audit criteria, rather the legislature is given that authority. So while a citizen may seek to audit the results of the statewide election, it must do so according to the law. That law provides for performance of the audit by the Secretary of State. There is no other relief available to the plaintiff on this point."

"The plaintiff does not get to choose his own audit criteria." Presumably he can't personally inspect the ballots for bamboo either.

This was one of the lawsuits that sought to "prove" that Dominion Voting Systems had changed votes from Trump to Biden. There had been a glitch in reporting in Antrim County, but the Detroit Free Press notes it was just a human fuckup that had zilch to do with Dominion, and it was fixed all the way back on the day after the election. (Trump won it with 61 percent of the vote.) The Free Press also notes that this was seemingly the only DOMINION ELECTION FRAUDS!1!1!1 lawsuit that hadn't yet been drop-kicked out of a US courtroom. And now it has.

But don't say the fight is over! Because, because, because Cyber Ninjas!

Cyber Ninjas provided analysis to support the fraud allegations leveled in the Antrim County lawsuit and the firm's CEO has promoted election fraud claims, the Arizona Republic reported.

[Matthew DePerno, attorney for the idiot Antrim County plaintiff] said Monday that he already has a team of experts lined up who are ready to conduct an audit in Michigan but did not specifically name Cyber Ninjas.

Sounds like it's time to send that particular MENSA chapter home.

Michigan officials reacted:

Secretary of State Jocelyn Benson, a defendant in the lawsuit, praised the ruling.

"The dismissal of the last of the lawsuits attempting to undermine democracy in furtherance of the Big Lie affirms that despite intense scrutiny, and an unprecedented misinformation campaign, the 2020 election was fair and secure, and the results accurately reflect the will of the voters," she said in a statement.

Attorney General Dana Nessel said the ruling "should be the nail in the coffin for any remaining conspiracy theories surrounding the outcome of the Nov. 3 general election."

Will this be the end of the bullshit Big Lie? Hahahahahahahahahaha, of course not. But it may help speed along the end of at least one part of it, when you combine this with how poorly Arizona is going.

In summary and in conclusion, Donald Trump is having a bad day for a number of reasons today. Hooray!

[Law & Crime / Detroit Free Press]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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