Pop Music Nice Time: Austrian Drag Queen Wins Eurovision, Will Probably Make Russia Gay

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Wonkette

May 12, 2014 12:05 PM

Do you know what Eurovision is? Haha, you do not, because you are (likely) A American and interested in patriotic things like steaks and apple pies and baseball and cowboys and guns and American Idol and The Voice, also, too. The Eurovision Song Contest does not stack up compared to those things in American eyes, although we do suppose that that could be because the contest's called Eurovision, which is a good way of making sure that Americans do not come in and sweep the contest, like we do at the Olympics every two years, like jerks.

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Russia

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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Elections

Just recently, Nashville made headlines because at long last, it stopped growing at a rate of 100 new residents per day. Clearly the city is dying now. Oh no! Only 94 new people a day! Possibly because cardboard boxes in Nashville are currently one million dollars, a little more if they have marble countertops!

We are yr Memphis Wonkette, and Tennessee's two large cities have a bit of a longstanding rivalry -- Memphis got IKEA first, and then Nashville was going to get one but that plan got fucked, so now Nashville has retaliated by building a four story Restoration Hardware with a bar, a grille, and probably sandy man-made beaches, we don't fucking know what is in that thing. But the fact is Memphis and Nashville are two very different cities, and the rivalry is mostly for #jokes. Memphis, historically and currently, is a lot more like its fellow river cities like New Orleans and St. Louis, whereas Nashville's path more closely resembles Atlanta. (That's right, Nashville. We just said your river DOESN'T COUNT.)

The thing that unites the cities is that they are HOLY SHIT BLUE, surrounded by seas of red. However, out of Tennessee's population of just under seven million, close to half are in the Memphis and Nashville metro areas. Blue islands also exist in Knoxville, Chattanooga, and a handful of other places like the college towns of Murfreesboro and Sewanee. However, the state was still red enough in 2016 that Donald Trump beat Hillary Clinton by 26 damn points. We'll see if the GOP pulls similar numbers in 2018. We doubt it.

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