Because he's not allowed to get married duh.

It's Holy Week! Easter's coming, the chocolate bunnies are doing fertility to each other's bunny-ginas, the Christs are 'bout to BRB, and Pope Nice-Nice AKA Francis is hunkered over washing up some feet again, like a common Jesus of Nazareth:

Pope Francis has visited a refugee centre to wash and kiss the feet of Muslim, Orthodox, Hindu and Catholic refugees — a gesture of welcome at a time when anti-Muslim and anti-immigrant sentiment has risen after the Brussels and Paris attacks. [...]

The Holy Thursday rite re-enacts the foot-washing ritual Jesus performed on his apostles before being crucified, and is meant as a gesture of service.

Father forgive the pope for he hath sinnethed! First of all, would Jesus have scrubbed Muslins? (Probably.) And moreover, Al Jazeera reports he did wet footsies to Muslim LADIES too:

[A]fter years of violating the rules outright, Francis in January changed the regulations to explicitly allow women and girls to participate.

Oh yeah he broke the rules, because he ain't give ONE FUCK about your dumb rules, no way no how.

[contextly_sidebar id="mCUGGNY4eLbWjTXMzajaDsYiOoNJXlo9"]He's done this before, of course. In 2013, the first Easter of his papacy, he washed feet of people who were not only ew poor, but also ew girls and ew Muslims. Folks like Rick Santorum jizz-sharted all over their rosary beads in protest, and not just because they had their rosary beads in their butts. In 2014, it was more of the same. In 2015, he straight up went to a prison and washed boy and girl feets, saying that "Jesus never tires of loving." Our Lord And Savior had a foot fetish too, we guess.

[contextly_sidebar id="QVTfiqcJcKVUe9fdKquvHp5e8qQ4Mq8e"]For real though, even if you don't like the pope or the church or organized religion or whatever liberal yabber-blobber you need to say on Tumblr later, it's very awesome to see that the pope is doing this for refugees this year. If you don't watch the news, you may not realize that the current refugee crisis is the largest the world has faced since World War II (which was KIND OF BIG), and when terrible holier-than-thou fake Christians like Ted Cruz and so many other Republicans are out there using things like the Brussels attacks as a pretense for being conspicuously UNCHRISTLIKE toward their Muslim refugee brothers and sisters, it's very, very nice to see the pope welcoming Muslim refugees by giving their barkin' dogs a traditional Catholic spa treatment.

Unless he really just does it because he really does have a foot fetish and thank Mother Mary he's wearing that big robe because we do not want to see Pope Nice-Nice's Bone-Bone right now, thank you very much.

But that's probably not why he does it, for real.


[Al Jazeera]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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