Post Office Was Gonna Mail Everybody Free Masks But Didn't Because Masks Are SCARY!
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Another one for the annals of Donald Trump Is Trying To Kill You, And Has Been This Whole Time!

The US post office had an idea. A good idea! (This was in the pre-Louis DeJoy days, obvs.) When the Trump administration changed its mind many moons ago and decided that masks were a good idea, after all, the post office looked at itself and said, "Hello, Myself, King Of Mailboxes! I bet I could be a Look For The Helpers just like Mr. Rogers!"

So it hatched a plan. It could send FIVE (5) reusable masks to every house in America, because you know what the post office is good at? Sending people shit. (This was in the pre-Louis DeJoy days, obvs.)

The records [...] offer fresh detail about the Postal Service's precarious position in the White House's early pandemic response. At one point in April, USPS leaders drafted a news release announcing plans to distribute 650 million masks nationwide, enough to offer five face coverings to every American household. The document, which includes quotations from top USPS officials and other specifics, was never sent. But it suggests that the government's initial interest in tapping the Postal Service as part of its campaign to combat the coronavirus may have been far more advanced than initially reported this spring.

It was actually not the post office's idea, originally. It was suggested by the Department of Health and Human Services, who were like, "Hey, the post office goes to all the zip codes. What if they took masks to the zip codes?" And the post office was like, "I have a map of the zip codes right here!" Indeed, the post office went ahead and started working on it even before anybody asked them:

The Postal Service prepared for the possibility it might be deputized in the effort, drawing up a news release touting that it was "uniquely suited" to help. The service specifically identified Orleans and Jefferson parishes in Louisiana as the first areas to receive face coverings, with deliveries shortly thereafter to King County, Wash.; Wayne County, Mich.; and New York, according to the newly unearthed document, which is labeled a draft.

But then the Trump White House killed the idea, because if you send five masks to every house in every zip code, then everybody will panic and cry and die of consumption, we don't fucking know.

"There was concern from some in the White House Domestic Policy Council and the office of the vice president that households receiving masks might create concern or panic," one administration official said in response to the scrapped mask plan.

Fucking morons. But then again, they were taking direction from the Fucking-Moron-In-Chief, who claims he lied to the American people about how serious coronavirus was because he didn't want people to "panic." Just like how if the movie theater is on fire, it's considered polite to let people stay and watch the movie while they burn to death instead of shouting "Fire!" in case a cool part or a booby scene is coming up.

It's called FREEDOM, you dumb libs.

Also um, whoops, "movie theater" is probably a bad example right now, because we can't safely go to those anymore, thanks to Trump's leadership.

Anyway, HHS did a thing with the masks and claims most of them have been distributed, but maybe they are in Michael Caputo's butt, how would we know, considering how unwilling we are to look up Michael Caputo's butt? Would explain his attitude of late, if he's just got a whole butt full of masks.

The Washington Post published this information after poring through 10,000 pages of emails and other shit obtained from a FOIA request by a group called American Oversight. Most of it is from March and April, the early days of the coronavirus. The article is about a whole lot of things, some foofaraw and hullabaloo, and it is very important, to understand the precarious position the post office has been in for ages, especially so under Donald J. Trump, who wants to murder it. It details how the post office even retained an ogre Trump-associated bastard lawyer for representation, thinking maybe that might help them get some fucking funding.

Of course, that could have also had another consequence:

"Why did the Postal Service need the services of Stefan Passantino when his primary claim to fame, the primary reason you hire him, is to carry out Donald Trump's personal and political defense work?" asked [Austin] Evers, the head of American Oversight, who called him the "fox in the hen house."

Good question.

Another good question is what the hell Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin thought he was doing back in April when he demanded, in exchange for the post office getting a $10 billion loan under the CARES Act, "operational control over the agency." They backed off, because it was an illegal request, according to the post office's lawyers, and because people like Elizabeth Warren lost their everloving shit.

Also not sure why the post office should be getting "loans," as opposed to just FUCKING FUNDING.

As we said, read the whole thing, lots of interesting stuff in there.

But man, that mask thing. Because they didn't want people to "panic" when they went to their mailboxes and found a bomba severed human headone of those joke dooky poopies free masks.

They're been trying to kill us this whole time.

On that happy note, OPEN THREADSIES!

[Washington Post]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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