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FAKE NEWS


Oh goodness, SOMEBODY does not like how today's House Intelligence Committee hearing with FBI Director James Comey and NSA Director Admiral Mike Rogers is going, and that SOMEBODY is Donald Trump and the dumb jizz-gremlins who work in the White House. And why would they like it? Comey has already confirmed that Trump and his associates are under investigation and that the dingleberries Trump hurled about Obama doing "wire tapps" to him are 100% certified Angus bullshit.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://www.wonkette.com/614441/james-comey-pisses-on-trumps-wire-tapp-bs-like-a-russian-pee-hooker"></a>[/wonkbar]We told you earlier that, while Democrats are asking really important questions and detailing everything we know about the Russia investigation, Republicans are doing the bidding of the orange squatter in the White House by obsessing over ILLEGAL LEAKS (about Team Trump's own behavior), because that is the REAL ISSUE. Find the leakers! They are allowing common people to learn information about the unsavory and maybe illegal things the Trump Reich is engaged in! Unfair!

Well, the official @POTUS Twitter account, which we continue to be appalled is slumming it by being associated with Donald J. Trump, is working hard to deliver its own #FakeNews version of what's happening in the hearing, as if we can't watch C-SPAN our damn selves. (To be clear: YOU AND I are watching C-SPAN our damn selves. Trump supporters are taking their sisters on dates to the Cracker Barrel and the Big Lots right now, and just checking Twitter on their Obamaphones. ALLEGEDLY.)

Let's look at the tweets from Trump POTUS Twitter, and describe how they are lying.

The White House is ... excited? ... that Comey won't say whether or not he ever briefed the former president on conversations between shithead/foreign agent/former national security adviser Michael Flynn and the Russian ambassador? How is this #winning? Republican congresstwat Trey Gowdy was trying to figure out how it leaked to the press that Flynn had been caught red-handed making sex nookie with the Russian ambassador, and in the process he tried his damnedest to smear Obama and former Obama administration officials as the REAL LEAKERS. But sending out tweets like this basically confirms Trump knows he's being investigated, and Comey's non-answer on it pretty much means it's classified and he can't talk about it. We guess the Trump White House knows it's cornered, and literally the best thing it can hope for is to try to redirect the investigation in the public's eye to how Trump is the real victim, of the mean FBI and Obama.

What the fuck ever, y'all. You suck.

NEXT TWEET!

Hello, stupid dumb shit Rep. Devin Nunes! In this clip, Nunes is asking whether there is any clear evidence that Russian interference literally flipped vote tallies (like on voting machines) in specific states. Comey and Rogers say no. That is VERY DIFFERENT from saying "Russia did not influence [the] electoral process." This is simply a #FakeNews lie from the White House, and as such, it can fuck right off.

For the record, JUST NOW, a Democrat asked Comey to respond to this tweet, and he said he did NOT intend to give the impression the Trump White House is giving, with its lie tweet. JUST FYI.

In our next tweet, we have a clip of idiot GOP Rep. Tom Rooney, making the case that "unmasking" US persons who are accidentally caught up in foreign surveillance hurts national security. Rogers says yes, on balance, it hurts national security, but this tweet is still a yoooooge loser, because it's entirely possible (and likely!) that Flynn is a subject of this FBI investigation, so we really can't leap to the assumption that Flynn is an innocent bystander whose good name got caught up in all this by mistake. Good job trying to make us as GRRRR MAD at leakers as the idiot president is, though!

And finally, here is one more dumb tweet about "classified leaks," because that's what Republicans and Donald Trump want to talk about today.

We sort of feel for the White House staffers who have to try to find a way to put lipstick on this flaming pile of Russian-compromised shit, and are doing everything they can to do #FakeNews to people's perceptions of the news of the day. Just kidding, we don't feel for them, they made their own bed and now they have to lie in it.

Fuck all of 'em.

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[The Twitter handle the Russians stole from Hillary and gave to Trump]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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John McCain died last year without ever being president.

He was supposed to be president. He was beloved by the media, hailed as a statesman-like old white guy who could appeal to most people, especially all those people "in the middle" who we all assume just don't really think too hard about things. He lost the presidency to a black man named Barack Obama, who half the country thought was a socialist.

Bob Dole. Al Gore. John Kerry. John McCain. Mitt Romney. America has left a bloody trail of boring-ass, "statesman-like" white guys who were "supposed" to be president. They were supported, in a milquetoast fashion, by people who assumed that they were generally unobjectionable enough for all those "other" people to vote for. And they all lost to the kind of candidates they were never supposed to lose to.

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