Pour One Out For Ol' WALNUTS!

There was a time when John McCain, who inflicted Sarah Palin on the world, was the worst of all the guys. We could link you shitty, sexist, abusive, yelly, just plain mean McCain by the dozen. Your Wonkette is not here to whitewash him or to praise him really, but it's hard to maintain the righteous anger we nursed for decades. Now, compared to the spineless Rubios and the clearly compromised Grahams -- not to mention the racist-rapist in chief -- McCain, who died today at the age of 948, was at least not a fucking sniveling coward. He was WALNUTS! -- a dumb youtube that never made any sense, but we sure liked it.

He did some okay stuff at the end (saved Obamacare out of pique against Trump); his wife was okay; sometimes his daughter wasn't an asshole. If there was one thing on which he was consistently moral, it was the thing he himself had experienced: torture. We watched Bill O'Reilly -- BILL O'REILLY -- shake his finger in John McCain's face to billsplain torture's efficacy. He got ratfucked by George W. Bush -- about whom someday we will also write a "well, at least he didn't nuke Los Angeles" obituary, now that we've seen how bad bad really can be -- and in the 2000 South Carolina GOP debate, he came closest to answering the question, "Has there ever been a time your shit didn't smell like roses?" The other candidates answered that they worked too hard, they cared too much. (Alan Keyes said the question, asked of all the candidates, was racist.) Only McCain answered with something resembling something he had done that he regretted: the time he accidentally took so much money from Charles Keating to do ????? PROFIT!

We wish we still had a proper hate-on for that cussed ol sumbitch; but compared to the party he's left behind, he's the giant all the mainstream pundits will call him. Those fuckers are useless.

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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