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ElectionsFebruary 24, 2017 09:17 AM
President Bannon Commits To Apocalypse. Wonkagenda, Fri., Feb. 24, 2017
Wish you were here!
Morning Wonkers! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today!
- Mike Pence reassured wingnuts at CPAC that America's long national "nightmare" with Obamacare will be over soon because Trump's White House is committed to the idea that the sick and indigent should just die in a fire, or a ditch, or wherever those icky poors go when they get boo-boos. Screw the polls!
- President Bannon said he had only just begun the "deconstruction of the administrative state" to a throng of batshit crazy people that used be corralled in a dark corner and forced to wear dunce caps.
- Trump's White House tried to get the FBI to say they weren't investigating Trump's ties to Russia, because they'd rather not look like a bunch of terrible liars and criminals.
- Donald Trump wants our nuclear arsenal to be "top of the pack," as if we didn't already have the largest and most diverse array of fully-functional planet smashers in human history.
- Jeff Sessions has been quite the little busybody since becoming Attorney General. He's rescinded the order to scale back the use of private prisons, and yesterday it was revealed that the DOJ may soon target all those bong-blowing hippy mary-jawana states, no matter how much money they make.Total bummer, man.
- After a week of having their asses held to a fire, Congress people are deathly terrified of the growing backlash from their constituents at town halls, including Darrel Issa, and cowardly little Marco Rubio, who once again proved he has no spine.
- After he climbed out from under his rock and dried his eyes, John Boehner said Republicans know they can't kill Obamacare, so they're just going to "fix the flaws and put a more conservative box around it." Oh, I hope there's a pretty bow!
- Businesses are beginning to keep an emergency stash of Bitcoin in the highly likely event that they're held hostage by Internet trolls, or some dastardly Not American state.
- Congressional Democrats are going to war with Republicans, Trumpkins and tea-party crazies, even if they don't have much money or a leg to stand on, because voters are watching.
- Hey ladies! A male chiropractor knows what you need for all your menstruating needs, and it is a “lipstick” that will glue your labia together. Fun!
- Here's your late night wrap up! Colbert talked about how Trump's a twitter shitter; and Seth Myers took A Closer Look at the town halls and Trump's tax payer funded golf vacations. And here's your morning Nice Time! Coffee and goats! Let's do this!