President Healthier Than Dollar

The President's medical history was released today -- and he's in considerably better shape than us. Proving that the wailing of the souls of dead Iraqi children is a sound easily blocked by the White House's advanced spectral noise reduction technology, Bush is still clearly getting his customary 18 hours of sleep a night. Most of his health problems are pretty minor, besides his Napoleonic delusions of self-grandeur, but those sorts of things don't really turn up in a physical. Let's take a magical trip into the president's health!

* "Seborrheic keratosis." These are also called "barnacles" and they are benign wart things that come from a life of wickedness or something.

* "Vasovagal syncope" -- this means "the time he passed out and for some reason we blamed a pretzel."

* "Vitreous floaters, infrequent" -- these are the little ghosts you see in the corners of your eyes if you are an acid-damaged aging hippie.

* He seems to get too much sun! "Skin lesions consistent with solar damage. Recommend continued sun-protection measures (e.g. sunscreen, wide-brimmed hats, etc.)." We would like to the president in wide-brimmed hats a little more often, we have to admit.

* Apparently he had Lyme disease last year? No one told us! Where the hell is this guy coming into contact with a tick, though? Doesn't he have people who are supposed to jump in front of ticks for him or something?

* Heart: health-wise in the 97th percentile for his age, but three sizes too small.

The full report:

President George W. Bush

Summary of Medical History

August 7, 2007

With a date of birth of July 6, 1946, the President is 61 years old.

Past Medical History

* There is no past medical history of hypertension, diabetes, tuberculosis, sexually transmitted disease, or stroke. The President benefits from a "low" to "very low" (favorable) coronary artery disease risk profile with a favorable family medical history, absence of modifiable risk factors; superior fitness, favorable CAD markers (e.g. CRP, lipids) and functional studies ("stress echocardiogram"), and "minimal/mild" coronary artery calcification noted on anatomic study (coronary artery computed tomography, 12/2004).

* Erythema migrans consistent with early, localized Lyme disease, treated, with complete resolution and without recurrence, 8/06.

* Seborrheic keratosis.

* Actinic keratoses identified and treated with liquid nitrogen.

* Telangiectasias, nasal bridge, consistent with solar damage; treated 8/03.

* Vasovagal syncope, 1/02; solitary episode with identifiable precipitating event superimposed on longstanding, non-pathologic sinus bradycardia (consistent with a conditioned heart); evaluation 1/02, no sequelae, and no recurrence since 1/02.

* Adenomatous colonic polyps (5 tubular adenomas, each

* Mild high frequency hearing loss documented and stable on prior exams; speech frequencies excellent. Currently no symptoms.

* History of seasonal allergic rhinitis; asymptomatic this spring with preventive seasonal use of nasal corticosteroid spray.

* The President has a history of activity-related injuries as noted below, which resolved without sequelae and do not impact his current duties. He continues a vigorous aerobic, weight training, and flexibility program.

* Musculoskeletal low back pain secondary to heavy lifting and tight "hamstrings"; fully evaluated in 1990; asymptomatic due to current exercise and flexibility program.

* Intermittent bilateral anterior knee pain, activity-related, with a left medial meniscal injury and subsequent surgical repair in 1997. Orthopedic and radiographic re-evaluation in 12/03 confirmed an old incomplete tear of the PCL of the right knee with resultant patello-femoral chondromalacia, post-traumatic degenerative changes, and asymptomatic medial meniscal damage, all most consistent with a remote athletic injury and physical activity. Symptoms resolved with quadriceps strengthening, cross-training (biking), and elimination of routine impact exercises (e.g. running) from his routine.

* Right "calf" running injury (strain/tear), 4/03, most consistent with overuse. Symptoms resolved.

* Minor abrasions and lacerations secondary to injuries sustained while biking, all healed without sequelae.

* Gastroesophageal reflux with well-defined triggers, 2005, without recurrence.

* Vitreous floaters, infrequent, evaluated by retinologist 3/06; examination normal for age (non-pathologic age-related changes only).

* Mild hyperopic astigmatism/presbyopia, fully correctable. Uses reading glasses as-needed.

* Blood transfusions: none.

Past Surgical History

* Appendectomy 1956

* Left medial menisectomy as above, 3/97


* The President takes a daily multi-vitamin. He does not routinely use prescription medications.


* The President's immunizations are current for worldwide travel.

Social History

Tobacco: An occasional cigar

Alcohol: None

Caffeine: Diet sodas and coffee

Exercise: The President exercises six times per week. Workouts include cycling, elliptical trainer, resistance training, and flexibility exercises.

Other: A viral illness prompted rearrangement of the President's schedule at a morning session of the G8 in June. The President has not otherwise missed work due to illness since his last physical exam.

Physical Examination

Vital Statistics

Age: 61 years old

Height: 71.50 inches (without shoes)

Temperature: 97.8 degrees F (oral)

Weight: 192.0# (last year 196.0#)

Body Composition: Body fat 16.6% (last year 16.8%; normal for age 16.5-20.5%; Cooper data)

Resting heart rate (seated): 52 bpm

Resting blood pressure (seated): 117/71

System-specific examination summary

ENT (ears, nose, and throat): Physical examination of the head, neck, and thyroid are normal except for a serous otitis media as well as signs and symptoms consistent with maxillary sinusitis and recovering mild vestibular neuronitis. Audiogram shows bilaterally symmetric high frequency sensorineural hearing loss consistent with age and without significant change from previous exams. Thyroid function tests were normal.

Eyes: No ocular pathology was noted on dilated ophthalmoscopic examination. Visual fields were normal. Distant visual acuity was 20/20. Corrected near visual acuity was 20/20 in both eyes (the President uses reading glasses as needed). Intraocular pressures were normal bilaterally.

Neurologic exam: Comprehensive examination normal.

Pulmonary: Normal.

Gastrointestinal: Normal. Colonoscopy was last performed in July 2007. No recurrence of previously described symptoms consistent with occasional gastroesophageal reflux. Abdominal examination normal.

Cardiology: Physical examination of the circulatory system was normal. The resting EKG revealed sinus bradycardia consistent with previous exams and aerobic conditioning. Fasting lipid panel: total cholesterol: 170 (last year 174; "desirable"40); LDL: 106 (last year 101; "optimal"

The President underwent Balke protocol exercise treadmill testing (ETT) with echocardiogram. He exercised for a total of 25:01 minutes achieving a maximum heart rate of 184 bpm with a 1-minute recovery of 150 bpm (34 beat differential). No signs or symptoms of cardiovascular pathology were noted. Stress echocardiogram was normal.

Dermatology: Seborrheic keratoses and lesions consistent with solar damage (e.g. telangiectasias) noted as in past. History of past actinic keratosis was noted but none discovered on this exam.

Musculoskeletal: General musculoskeletal survey was unremarkable.

Genitourinary System: Normal. PSA was 0.6 (normal


A standard battery of routine screening laboratory tests was performed and was unremarkable.


The President remains in excellent health and is "fit for duty". All data suggest that he will remain so for the duration of his Presidency. Based on an overview of his examination and history the following clinical diagnoses are made:

1. The President remains in the "superior" fitness category for men his age (greater than ninety-seventh percentile for 60-64 year-old men; Cooper).

* "Low" to "very low" coronary artery disease risk profile. Coronary artery disease (CAD) "activity-marker" evaluation (including C-reactive protein, homocysteine, and lipids), and "functional" studies (exercise treadmill test) stratify the President to a "low" to "very low" coronary risk category. Continued "therapeutic lifestyle measures" (i.e. reduced intake of saturated fat and cholesterol, regular physical activity, and weight control) are appropriate.

* Sinus bradycardia, asymptomatic, non-pathologic, and consistent with a conditioned heart.

* History of vasovagal syncope without pathology, sequelae, or recurrence.

2. History of vitreous floaters, infrequent, nonpathologic, normal for age. Mild hyperopic astigmatism/presbyopia, fully correctable.

3. Seasonal allergic rhinitis, well-controlled.

4. Serous otitis media and maxillary sinusitis with mild viral vestibular neuronitis, recovering.

5. History of mild high frequency sensorineural hearing loss unchanged from previous examinations.

6. History of gastroesophageal reflux without recurrence.

7. History of colonic adenomas, removed 7/07. Repeat colonoscopy indicated in 3 years.

9. History of activity-related musculoskeletal injuries currently without symptoms or limitations

10. Skin lesions consistent with solar damage. Recommend continued sun-protection measures (e.g. sunscreen, wide-brimmed hats, etc.). Seborrheic keratoses--treatment not indicated nor requested. History of early, localized Lyme disease, treated without recurrence or sequelae. Recommend standard precautions in endemic areas.

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