President Heckuva-Job Not Going To Work Until NOON These Days NOON WE SAID F*CKING NOON
Just yesterday, we ended a post with a joke about how it was 1 p.m. on the East Coast, which meant in all likelihood Donald Trump hadn't yet bothered to waddle down to the Oval Office for work. We all know about Trump's bathrobe bedroom "executive time," after all. Maybe we were being unfair, though, what with how there's a global pandemic going on.
Just kidding, because we have yet again gotten confirmation that when Wonkette says something real ass-y as a joke, even when you know we are just wildly speculating, there's a good damn chance we are exactly right. Or maybe we were off a whole entire hour.
Tell us, New York Times:
President Trump arrives in the Oval Office these days as late as noon, when he is usually in a sour mood after his morning marathon of television.
NOON, IT SAYS NOON FUCKING NOON.
America is the number one viral hotspot disaster area for coronavirus in the whole entire world and right now this second there are over 905,000 confirmed cases and over 51,000 deaths in the US (that number is already out of date by the time you read this) and there are still no fucking tests, and no testing strategy, WHERE ARE THE FUCKING TESTS, and that stupid, scaly lying motherfucker is waddling down to work at NOON FUCKING NOON WE SAID NOON.
The rest of the Times piece is palace intrigue about just what is going on inside the president's sad life. He watches his TV news all morning (which is not "work") but he is a real Dumpy Donald these days because not even Fox News is being nice to him, and his internal polling sucks ass in the swing states he needs Russia to help him "win" in November and WAAAAAAAAAH.
Trump "frequently vents about how he is portrayed," according to the Times, and back in March the My Pillow guy went to the White House and Trump was so sad the My Pillow guy "pulled out his phone to show him a text message from a Democratic-voting friend of his who thought Mr. Trump was doing a good job," god-fuckin'-damn, even the My Pillow guy's allegedly Democratic-voting friends are fuckin' dumb as shit.
There is one good part of the day though:
The daily White House coronavirus task force briefing is the one portion of the day that Mr. Trump looks forward to, although even Republicans say that the two hours of political attacks, grievances and falsehoods by the president are hurting him politically.
Mr. Trump will hear none of it. Aides say he views them as prime-time shows that are the best substitute for the rallies he can no longer attend but craves.
Yeah, and yesterday Donald Trump used that briefing to JUST ASK QUESTIONS about whether maybe people could inject themselves with bleach or stick tanning beds up their butts to get the UV rays. (Meanwhile, as to Trump's last snake oil cure, breaking news, but they had to stop a hydrochloroquine study just recently in Brazil, citing "primary outcome" of death. SPOILER, but Trump's bleach cure is also "primary outcome" of death.)
The Times notes something we already knew, which is that Trump may
go to work go on TV for the daily briefing, to tell America how to anally bleach away the COVIDs, but he doesn't actually go to the coronavirus task force meetings. (There was that one he went to, where his big idea was maybe he could do a daily call-in radio show like his good pal Rush Limbaugh.)
And he doesn't even like the part of the briefing where he has to say "facts" from "task force" either, those are boring:
He is often seeing the final version of the day's main talking points that aides have prepared for him for the first time although aides said he makes tweaks with a Sharpie just before he reads them live. He hastily plows through them, usually in a monotone, in order to get to the question-and-answer bullying session with reporters that he relishes.
There's more shit in the Times piece, like how Donald Trump eats french fries at night and watches more TV before he goes to bed after a hard day of "work" (WHERE ARE THE FUCKING TESTS, YOU GNARLY FUCKING ASSHOLE) but we don't care, it's the weekend, goodbye.
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