You know you wanna ride this high-speed rail

• If you get a little tingle in your panties at the thought of five-year plans (ooooh) to invest billions of dollars (yeah, baby, yeah) to modernize our nation's infrastructure (OH YES, RIGHT THERE!), here is some Not Safe For Work news for you:

  Hillary Clinton unveiled a five-year, $275 billion plan today to rebuild and modernize the nation's infrastructure, which she says will be a "down payment on our future." [...]

  Clinton's plan, which she unveiled at the launch of "Hard Hats for Hillary" at Faneuil Hall in downtown Boston, would include the creation of an infrastructure bank and would be paid for by a "business tax reform," according to her campaign. The release of her plan marks the beginning of her campaign's month-long focus on jobs.

  As part of her infrastructure plan, Clinton also called for Congress to pass the long-time highway bill by the end of the year, and said that she wants Internet in 100 percent of households by 2020.

  Naturally, the Republican National Committee immediately criticized her for wanting to waste your hard-earned taxpayer dollars on dumb stuff like making sure our infrastructure is safe and sound and doesn't kill people. Unless it's for MORE WAR, protecting American lives is an expense we simply can't afford.

• A+ headline, The Onion:

  Frustrated Gunman Can’t Believe How Far He Has To Drive To Find Nearest Planned Parenthood Clinic

• On a more serious note, fuck this noise:

  “After all these years and millions of babies that have gone to their death, violence is to be anticipated,” said Judie Brown, president of American Life League, in a phone interview with MSNBC. “Because it’s acceptable to violently kill a baby, so why isn’t it acceptable to violently kill other people?”

  “We never approve of violence against anybody, whether it’s the unborn babies or the clients of Planned Parenthood or anybody else,” Ann Scheidler, vice president of the Pro-Life Action League, told MSNBC. But, she added, “it’s not the fault of the pro-life movement that someone found out that Planned Parenthood is doing these things. It’s the fault of Planned Parenthood for selling the baby parts.”

• For the record, these are the people whose deaths are maybe sorta justified -- not that that's what the "pro-lifers" are saying, heavens no, wink wink wink -- because abortion:

  The two civilians killed in a shooting at a Planned Parenthood clinic Friday were Ke'Arre Stewart, a father of two and Army veteran who served in Iraq, and Jennifer Markovsky, a mother of two who was reportedly at the clinic to support a friend. [...]

  Garrett Swasey, the police officer killed in the attack, also leaves behind two children, a son and a daughter. He was an elder at an evangelical church in Colorado Springs.

  Swasey was a champion ice dancer in his youth, reports The Denver Post. After his successful skating career, he found his calling in police work, his wife said in a statement.

  "Helping others brought him deep satisfaction and being a police officer was a part of him," she wrote. "In the end, his last act was for the safety and wellbeing of others and was a tribute to his life."

  Stewart, by the way, was shot and killed while trying to save others, according to his brother:

  "So he ran back inside, trying to help out others. I don't know where he was at, as far as how many more breaths he had, but he knew. And before his time ran out I guess that was his main priority ... to help and save other lives."

• Our friends at Happy Nice Time People are here to help you decide the Very Important Question (don't worry, it's spoiler-free) of whether you should-binge watch the new Netflix show "Jessica Jones":

  Jessica Jones made her comic book debut in in 2001 in the series “Alias”, which is the basis for the Netflix series. In the comics, Jessica Jones is a superhero who hangs up her figurative cape after the traumatic experience of being held under the control–both physically and mentally –of the villain The Purple Man. Now, she tries to keep her head down and work as a private investigator but quickly gets pulled back into the superhero lifestyle.

  Go read all about it and find out the latest on your favorite TV shows too.

• Have you tipped your Wonkers this War on Christmas season? Go do that, please and thank you.