Donald Trump is playing on the internet, everyone.

If he was your grandfather, you'd call a mobile veterinarian to see if there are any treatment options left.


Trump was just telling us yesterday that he was "granting" governors the power to do what is best for their states, even if that means keeping them closed up longer. But in his heart and in his addled brain, he is still the dumbfuckingidiot who wants to reopen the country bigly by Easter. He hates these stay-at-home orders, and he loves these MAGA protesters in states run by Democrats who are COVID-ing all over each other to protect their sacred right to tote their penis-guns to the local Home Depot garden center to buy freedom birdseed.

There is no plan with this. Trump isn't actively trying to do anything here. He was obviously watching something on Fox News or having a hallucination, and he is mad at the Democratic governors of the states where his MAGA idiots have been protesting the stay-at-home orders.

Of course, he could incite armed violence, and he technically is calling for the overthrow of states controlled by Democrats, so if that happens, there's blood on his hands. (It is on top of the blood of all the Americans who have died of coronavirus.) He even invoked the Second Amendment! In a sane world, this stupid asshole would have already been removed from office.

And we should also note that these moron dipshit "grassroots" MAGA protesters — in Michigan the protests are being organized by wingnut groups funded by Trump Education Secretary Betsy DeVos — are, by their actions, increasing the chances that they or their loved ones or innocent bystanders might contract COVID-19 and die. So if that happens, if outbreaks end up being traceable to the moron dipshit protests Trump is egging on right here, that's even more blood on his hands.

Truly, never have more Americans died, or been in danger of dying, simply because a president's mother carried her pregnancy to term.

But wait, did we just say Trump was probably watching Fox News instead of doing his fucking job, and regurgitating whatever he saw that made him mad? Matthew Gertz from Media Matters has receipts:

Really, click on it. The group's actual name is "LIBERATE MINNESOTA!" Trump's copy/pasting is that exact.

It continued for the Michigan and Virginia tweets, tracking exactly with Fox News's coverage of Michigan and Virginia protesters.

Trump's Twitter time continued, because President Lazyass is still apparently sitting on his golden sofa in his golden bathrobe with his tangerine legs in the air and Big Macs lining his armpits, watching Fox News. Not long after the "LIBERATE!" tweets, Trump decided to tell another human to go to work:


Said President Bon-Bon from atop his bejeweled toilet.

Where did that one come from, we wonder! SPOILER, it is Fox News again, aren't you quelle surprise?

Governor Andrew Cuomo responded to Trump's little Fox News outburst, and he had many things to say, starting with the novel notion that maybe President Lazyass should turn off the fucking television and go the fuck to work.

Hey, are you distracted enough that you've forgotten that Donald Trump created this disaster and still has no nationwide plan for coronavirus testing? Trump has thoughts about that too, and you can read them, because he doesn't appear to have gone to work at any point today.

So, to sum up, Trump is simultaneously:

1) Saying the governors should have leeway to do what's best for their states.

2) Upchucking Fox News segments about how protesters should rise up against Democratic governors doing what's best for their states.

3) Whining about how none of this is his responsibility anyway.

What a motherfucking loser.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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