President Big Mac Tanning Bed So Mad Everybody Knows He's Lazyass

It's Monday morning, so that means President Lazyass is hard at work bitching and moaning on Twitter about how everybody says he's lazy, because do you know how much he sweats when he's trying to compose a really good misspelled racist ALL CAPS tweet? That is how hard he works.

It started with this Sunday tweet:

You don't need the second tweet that goes with that one because you don't fucking care.

He followed up Monday morning:

Right. Kind of like how Trump brags about having the best brain, even though A) it's clear to anyone that he may be the stupidest person who ever lived, and 2) if you have to insist it out loud, it's probably not true.

So yeah, President Bath Robe is up there all mad because his private schedule leaked again, and yet again, it showed that he spent most of the last week larking about the residence and watching his Fox News stories on the TV, and maybe grooming himself. And that's fine! We are kind of glad Trump is as lazy as he is, because it limits the amount of damage he's able to do. Every minute Donald Trump spends snoozing on the toilet is a minute he's not hurting America that much.

We got three months of Trump's schedule last week, and we weren't surprised to learn fucker doesn't work, because it's not new information. Hell, the phrase "executive time," which was launched into the national discourse when we found out it was the White House's euphemism for Trump's lounging, has gotten so deeply ingrained in the American lexicon that it's widely understood to mean "jacking off in a pile of Hamberder wrappers and using the dried cheese as lube." Dude is LAZY, and has been ever since he lie-mouthed his oath of office.

When most of us have been at work for four hours, we rest easy knowing that right at that very moment, a tuba probably is very slowly announcing the imminent West Wing arrival of President Where's My Blanky, just in time for him to zone out during his intelligence briefing (if he even has one) and then have lunch. After that admittedly rigorous White House schedule tires him the fuck out, he goes on vacation or plays golf.

The White House is stomping its feet and clapping its hands saying it's going to find the leaker. THIS TIME. However, the person leaking this stuff seems to be very LONG HAIR DON'T CARE and YOLO, because they apparently do not care about being caught. Maybe they have been in the White House long enough that they know how fucking incompetent the Trump administration is at Inspector Gadget-ing out leakers. (Hey remember that time a Trump person wrote an anonymous op-ed in the New York Times about how there's a whole group of people in the White House that works every day to undermine Donald Trump's worst instincts, and also his normal medium-bad instincts, but then that person got fired because they got caught? Yeah, us neither.)

But it shouldn't be lost on us that this person -- whoever it is -- really wants America to know that, on top of all of Trump's other failures, he's SUPERFUCKINGLAZY.

Like really lazy.

Like if you showed up for your job as little as the president of the United States does, you'd be fired.

And you'd probably stink a lot, because that much lying around doesn't tend to go hand-in-hand with the world's best personal hygiene.

The president of the United States is probably very stinky.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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