President NoFriends Had Another Live TV Therapy Session With Sean Hannity
Donald Trump was having one of his lonely and friendless nights last night. (They happen every night, and they tend to follow lonely and friendless afternoons and lonely and friendless mornings.) So he decided to reach out and touch somebody, and that somebody was Sean Hannity, whose show Trump called in to and rambled at for 45 minutes. The phone-a-friend was actually so long that it bled into 15 minutes of Laura Ingraham's show, which was just a shitty thing to do, because it was her birthday. (Of course, Mediaite has the videos of Hannity begging Trump to say "happy birthday" to Ingraham, on the Sean Hannity show. We are sure it was the best thing that's happened to her all year. No, seriously, we bet it was.)
To give you a taste, here is Trump ranting at Hannity about how the Mueller Report was a hoax, he could've fired Mueller, but he didn't, because as Hannity helpfully reminded him, he has "Article II" powers to do whatever he wants. (Trump does not know what Article II says, but we are pretty sure he thinks it says "Shut up, you're not my real dad!") He also says Hope Hicks was "exonerated" in the Mueller Report, which is definitely a new one. (In our article about Hicks's testimony for the House Judiciary Committee yesterday, we noted that Hicks was very close to, and may have participated in, a couple of Trump's most overt acts of obstruction of justice, and that her testimony on those two incidents is notably absent from the report. Wonder why!)
So that kind of sets the tone! Let's watch more videos. They are out of chronological order, because the president's brain is out of chronological order.
Trump said that "they" -- we guess Trump's servant Attorney General Bill Barr -- are looking into whether Barack Obama really did put "wire tapps" inside his bottom and onto his phone calls, and that if/when they find the evidence of that, "that would be the ultimate." Please remember that this is something Trump made up on Twitter on a Saturday morning in 2017.
Hannity comforted Trump by telling him that we already KNOW Nobama did spying to the Trump campaign, because DOSSIER HILLARY BRUCE OHR FISA CARTER PAGE BENGHAZI!!!!111!!!! EMAILS.
Trump reassured the nation that everything with Iran will be fine. What does he mean by fine? He does not know what he means by fine.
Here's a very normal collection of words that came out of Donald Trump's mouth, verbatim. See if you can figure out what the gonorrhea sores in his brain are talking about, because we cannot figure it out.
Remember when they used the word, everybody used the word 'manufactured'? And every newscast had the word 'manufactured.' But it's not a word associated with what they were talking about. They were talking about something being 'manufactured.' And every newscast started with 'manufactured.' They did it with numerous words, they come out with a word, they put it out, they're all together, it's a really disgraceful situation. Here's the good news: We're president!
OK YOU BETCHA SIR MISTER PRESIDENT!
Just before that, Trump baselessly said Democratic congressmen were taking some kind of perv pictures of Hope Hicks during her testimony yesterday and "leaking" them. Totally normal.
Trump did not like the article in the Wall Street Journal what said he was going to live-tweet the Democratic primary debates, because he hadn't even thought about doing that, but he says maybe now he WILL do that, just to make the fake news the "correct news." Sean Hannity agrees it would be awesome if Trump live-tweeted the debates, because Sean Hannity is a knob-slobber who thinks Trump is funny and clever and speaks good English in tweets.
Well, that is just the right amount of crazy Trump/Hannity funtimes for our Thursday! Like we said, Trump was on the phone with Hannity for 45 minutes. We are not interested in listening too closely to their conversations, because it reminds us of how most of their sexxxx chats happen off the air, and we bet they are GROSS.
As we mentioned above, it was Laura Ingraham's birthday. And also, as we mentioned above, Hannity took 15 minutes of her show with his blithering idiot routine with Trump. So he tried to wrap things up, and maybe smooth things over, by begging Trump to say happy birthday to Laura Ingraham, who at that point had been denied 15 whole minutes of her white supremacist power hour, and DID WE MENTION IT WAS HER BIRTHDAY? So Hannity tried to wrap things up (transcript via Mediaite):
"Mr. President, Mr. President, I hate to interrupt you, but I actually took 15 minutes of Laura Ingraham's show…It's her birthday sir. I thought you might want to know that," Hannity cheerily explained. "Happy birthday for me," he then told Ingraham, before effectively beseeching Trump to do the same live on air: "and, I think, the president would like to wish you a happy birthday."
And so the handoff went, at which point Ingraham -- it was her BIRTHDAY -- appeared to think, "Huh, maybe I can get some blithering batshit on my show from Donald Trump and he will talk to me for one million eleventy years on the phone like he does with Sean Hannity!" But Sean Hannity did not seem to like that?
So that was stupid and weird. In fact, everything about this entire post has been stupid and weird, so we declare it finished.
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