Loop Trump GIF

One of our favorite things about Donald Trump, you know, if somebody held a gun to our head and said "SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT DEAR LEADER," is how he takes an embarrassing story about himself that would be a two-hour news cycle, and turns it into a three-week story. He does this because he is thin-skinned and a total loser baby with no internal self-esteem, so he feels like he must over-respond to every slight, no matter how minor. See: RAMPS.

He's doing it again. President No Strokey is so obsessed with letting you know he DID NOT HAVE a "series of mini-strokes," which is funny because he is the only one who ever mentioned a "series of mini-strokes." Seems to us everybody forgot to tell him not to be too specific about what he was denying. He even made his latest fuckup White House doctor issue a statement specifically denying the strokes nobody was accusing of him having, last November, when he went to Walter Reed unannounced, and reportedly Mike Pence had to be put on standby to possibly suddenly become president at a moment's notice.

He felt the need to let us all know late last night that he was NOT the Strokey Little Puppy, no matter what you may have heard from Donald Trump's very specific denial:


And then at 5:30 a.m., Trump was up show-and-telling his really good brain, incessantly, repeatedly, for hours, because it's not like he does anything else.

We think he was being clever in this one, trying to ZING! Joy Reid for her alleged racism. You know how Trump hates racism.

In this one, he seemingly thinks his snipe hunt for wild Antifa is a game of Pokemon Go:

Here's Trump promising that on November 3, he will at last Make America Great Again, thus saving America from the devastation wrought by [checks calendar] himself:

At some point this morning, he retweeted his 11 p.m. NO STROKEY rage tweet, just to let us know again that he didn't have a series of mini-strokes, in case we were wondering if he had a series of mini-strokes, considering how he specifically denied having a series of mini-strokes.

Trump told on his own plans to rig the election, by retweeting laughably dishonest reporting about that Democratic firm that warned this week of the very real possibility that, because of delays caused by mail-in voting (caused by Donald Trump and his buttsucker at the post office), Trump might appear to be the winner on election night, only to end up losing to Joe Biden in a landslide once all the fucking votes are counted, which is what you do in a motherfucking goddamned democratic election, you fucking shithole fascists.

Oh yeah, and amidst some bitching about Nancy Pelosi getting a haircut, President NoStrokes McJokes tweeted this thing about Joe Biden being "Low Energy," and how we sure don't want him to be president, when there are "High Energy Chess Players scattered all over the world."

We think Trump is talking about world leaders outsmarting Biden, which is funny because all credible news reporting, as well as what we see with our own eyes, tells us that Donald Trump is so stupid and so easily flattered that he gets absolutely rolled by world leaders every single day of his life. Especially the dictators like Putin and Erdogan and Xi, the ones whose approval and love he craves the most. God, he gets outsmarted by fucking Kim Jong-un.

Later this morning, Trump lost it lying about the RNC's ratings, which were indeed much lower energy than the DNC:

What "ad" is he upset about? This one, from the Lincoln Project, which points out that even Fox News called him low-energy, and that Democrats beat him every night except for the night when his wife was talking. "It's hard to keep your ... ratings ... up," isn't it, Donald? That's what the Lincoln Project would like to know.

Ratings www.youtube.com

Anyway, it's all projection and lies, as usual.

If you take these boastful lie-tweets and decode them, by making them say the opposite of what they say and removing the projection, you get:

Donald Trump, who had a series of mini-strokes in November that he's been concealing, should be fired for, among other things, his constant racism. Thank goodness Joe Biden, who has two brain cells to rub together, will win the election on November 3 and save us from the devastation wrought by Trump. After all, we can't survive a Low Energy Chess Player like Trump getting played all over the world by two-bit dictators who are much more high energy and better at chess than Trump is.

Also, Donald Trump has "no schedule!" Because he doesn't work. And because he's lazy. And had all those mini-strokes.

ALLEGEDLY.

In summary and in conclusion, here is Trump's LAST fuckup White House doc, Ronny Jackson, queening out and claiming HE KNOWS Trump's unplanned trip to Walter Reed was totally planned and routine and definitely not because of a "series of mini-strokes," which is funny because he quit being Trump's doctor in 2018.

OK, Ronny.

At press time, we don't know what Donald Trump was doing, but we bet he WAS NOT having a "series of mini-strokes," because he doesn't do that.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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