President Obama Probably Thinks Mike Huckabee Should Shut His Stupid Squeal Hole

He should "probably" stop talking now

It is a day, so Mike Huckabee is spewing filth from his spew-hole, on the Fox News Opinion interwebs. Or at least his grammatically challenged ghost-spewer is. This time, it is about how Secret Muslim Radical "President" Barry BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Hussein!!! Obama is terrorizing America. "Probably."

See, in today's increasingly competitive Republican race to do hateful stupidity the biggest and bestest, for the fan base, it's hard to stand out. You have to go THERE. And then, once you're THERE, you have to drop a dookie on THERE's front porch and set it on fire and take pictures and post them on InstaFace, with goofy emojis, and tag it #YOLO.

So while just-about-done-here candidate Huckabee was officially demoted to Not A Real Candidate status earlier this month, he's eager to prove he's still the go-there guy:

Armed with grenades and guns, Al Qaeda-affiliated Islamic radicals struck again, taking 170 people hostage at the Raddison [sic] hotel in Mali. These barbaric terrorists spared the lives of hostages who proved their Islamic bona fides by reciting the Koran, while 27 innocent civilians were killed.

After this attack in West Africa, Obama’s new domestic terrorism plan probably requires Americans to memorize Koran verses.

If that's supposed to be a joke, it has failed on account of being terrible and terribly unfunny. If it's another Republican applying to write for Yr Wonkette, DENIED. If it's the same tired dogwhistle -- ooh, Obama is probably a secret Muslim, so clever, so fresh, so edgy, so two presidential terms ago -- well, most decent human persons would agree anyone named "Huckabee" should stay far away from dogs.

Having established that the president "probably" will force Americans to convert to Islam, Huckabee wonders:

Why does the Obama administration express more outrage at conservatives than at radical Islamic terrorists? President Obama seems more interested in protecting the reputation of Islam than protecting the American people.

If it were true, not that it matters to Huck, such outrage might be based on facts (awful pesky things, facts) that homegrown rightwing terrorism has claimed more American lives, since 9/11, than the "radical Islamic" kind. Despite conservatives' certainty that rightwing extremism is just Free Speech, and how dare the federal government claim otherwise! Huck addresses that too:

Bomb-throwing Baptists, Anglican arsonists, or radicalized Roman Catholics don’t commit these atrocities—radical Islamic jihadists do. Yet this administration is so naive, they refuse to speak the truth about Islamic terrorism. Benghazi, Boston, Ft. Hood, Paris, 9/11, Kenya, Tanzania, the USS Cole, the list of radical Islamic carnage keeps growing.

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We wouldn't expect an opinion piece published at Fox News to acknowledge atrocities committed by white American terrorists, but they have happened. You can read about them and everything. Shudder, gasp, and brace yourselves, but some of these attacks have even been carried out in the name of religion, and we're not talking about Islam.

All of this pixelated stale air from between Huckabee's butt cheeks is merely a preface to this oozing pile of bad squirrel meat diarrhea:

Sadly, the Obama administration is moving full-steam-ahead with its idealistic and outright dangerous Syrian refugee relocation plan, which will resettle more than 10,000 unchecked, unscreened foreigners across America towns. The FBI director has explicitly stated that we cannot conduct background checks on these people, yet nothing will stop Obama’s obsession with pandering to the international community, even if it poses a direct threat to Americans.

Nothing about that is correct, not even the punctuation. But like any Good Christian Republican running for president, he's not about to pass up an opportunity to terrify the American electorate with boogey man tales of scary evil refugees. Better to let them die than risk terrorists exploiting a two-year screening process to sneak into our country and watch our cable TV and enjoy "a good sandwich."

Those are Huckabee's sandwiches, and he doesn't want to share them with any dirty Muslim foreigns. If only Obama and the "cartoonish clowns in the administration" weren't so busy forcing everyone to memorize the Koran, maybe they'd read Huckabee's The Bible and remember what Jesus actually said: Fuck off and die, foreigners, and get your own damned sandwich.

[Fox News]


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