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He's gossiping with Beyonce about how Ted Cruz and Donald Trump are idiots probably.


[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/600427/heres-your-sexxxy-president-barack-obama-calling-donald-trump-a-dumbass"></a>[/wonkbar]Your president is out there making LOL sounds again. Just this week, he was saying OMG you guys have you even SEEN this fool Donald Trump, who thinks he's going to make the Messicans pay for a border wall with the money they send to their families, and who thinks it's a good idea to give nukes to MORE COUNTRIES? He called Trump's ideas "half-baked" and was all "Good luck with that!"

In response, Trump farted out the saddest I Know You Are But What Am I. It was so puny and un-terrific it didn't even merit a Wonkette post.

Now Obama's at it again:

"I recognize that there is a deep obsession right now about Mr. Trump. And one of you pulled me aside and squeezed me hard and said, 'Tell me ... that Mr. Trump is not succeeding you!' And I said, 'Mr. Trump's not succeeding me,'" the president said Thursday.

And then he giggled so hard he drooled on his mom jeans. That's how hilariously confident he is that Donald Trump will go down as the World's Most Famous Loser of the 2016 election.

He was not finished though! Know who else is dumb and stupid? Ted Cruz, the Canadian guy everybody hates, and whose penis is shaped like the sad half of a wishbone after a dog eated it, ALLEGEDLY.

But instead of just pointing and laughing, Obama decided to thank them, for being fucking dumpster fires:

"Mr. Trump has actually done a service as Mr. Cruz is doing a service and that is laying bare, unvarnished some of the nonsense that we have been dealing with in Congress on a daily basis. People act as if these folks are outliers but they are not!” the president said. “We should thank Mr. Trump and Mr. Cruz for just being honest that this is how we're thinking these days, or not thinking these days."

Goddamn, we love Don't Give No Fucks Obama. Whether he's in Argentina, getting his sexxxy tango on, flirting with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau RIGHT IN FRONT OF BOTH THEIR WIVES ...

Oops got distracted, what were we saying?

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/596142/pity-obama-wont-say-what-he-really-feels-about-whiny-coward-republicans"></a>[/wonkbar]Oh yes, Obama Don't Give No Fucks. This is just yet another example of the president checking out every Republican politician alive on Tinder and swiping left as fast as he goddamn can. He's said he knows Americans aren't dumb enough to elect a Republican president. He's made fun of Republicans TO THEIR FACES over what pussies they are about Syrian toddler refugee children.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/596092/republicans-so-awful-obama-wishes-theyd-be-more-like-bush"></a>[/wonkbar]He's actually sliced their whole dicks off by saying the current slate of Republicans is so terrible, he almost wishes they'd act more like President Gee Dubya War Criminal Pretzel-Choker Who Moves His Lips When He Reads The Pet Goat Bush.

And now here he is, straight up thanking the two leading GOP presidential candidates for being bile-spewing, horse-romancing dumb dumbs. We love you more and more every single day, Mr. President Sexxxy Obama, XOXOXOXOXO.

[ABC]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

Keep reading... Show less
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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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