President Poop Clown HEREBY DEMANDS To Be Treated Like Halfwit Wannabe Dictator He Is!

SOMEBODY woke up on the wrong side of his gold-plated pooper Sunday morning! Kinda like he does on all the days! Let's check in with the Official Presidential Proclamation Generator and see what random words it's misspelling for us this time:

Oh God bless, he HEREBY DEMANDS! Well, we guess when President Poop Clown HEREBY DEMANDS it (on Twitter) that means it's the law now!

The Justice Department has responded, and its response is suffused with an air of "LOL":

“If anyone did infiltrate or surveil participants in a presidential campaign for inappropriate purposes, we need to know about it and take appropriate action,” Deputy Attorney General Rod J. Rosenstein said in a statement.

That's right, Rosenstein AGREES with President Taint Bumps! It surely would be bad if that happened, so he'll ... um ... well, actually, Rosenstein is just farming it out to the DOJ's inspector general and saying, "Add this to your other thing, I guess, but don't throw your back out working on it or anything."

To be clear, though, this is seriously fucked up and un-American. This is the president literally ordering the DOJ to undertake a WITCH HUNT for political purposes. (Know that thing about how when Trump is accusing somebody of something, it's probably because he is actively guilty of doing that thing? Uh huh.) The good news is smart legal minds like Benjamin Wittes are pretty sure that if Trump actually turned his tweet into a real order, and he wasn't satisfied with the IG doing it -- and he won't be -- that Rosenstein and FBI Director Chris Wray would quit over it.

Which would be ... um ... oh, that would be the Saturday Night Massacre! Get your protest pants on!

Rosenstein made very clear recently that the Department of Justice would not be "extorted," and if you'll remember, it was because Republicans in the House were DEMANDING documents from the inception of the Russia investigation, documents that include the name of a secret longtime FBI source, an American. FBI and DOJ say that revealing that guy's name would put people's lives at risk. Trump and his little shit-minions in the House of Representatives don't mind that outcome, apparently.

This is the same source Devin Nunes has been hellbent on exposing, even though his dumb ass has been told time and time again that revealing the name of that source could get people killed. To be clear:

In a May 2 meeting, senior FBI and national intelligence officials warned the White House that information being sought by Nunes risked the source’s safety and that of his sources, and could damage U.S. relationships with its intelligence partners.

The stakes are so high that the FBI has been working over the past two weeks to mitigate the potential damage if the source’s identity were revealed, according to several people familiar with the matter. The bureau took steps to protect other live investigations that he has worked on and sought to lessen any danger to associates if his identity became known ...

Devin Nunes ain't care about that shit, and neither does Trump. Initially, the White House took DOJ's side, but we guess somebody told Trump this was about SECRET OBAMA WIRE TAPPS and he changed his mind.

The Washington Post reported this weekend that in 2016, the FBI was getting reports on possible Russian infiltration of the Trump campaign, and they used a very light technique of sending a longtime source to "brush up against" certain figures in the Trump campaign to find out what the hell was going on. This person made contacts with Carter Page (confirmed Russian intelligence recruit, albeit a stupid one), George Papadopoulos (pleaded guilty to lying to FBI, drunk-jizzed all over an Australian diplomat about how Russia was gonna screw Hillary Clinton), and Sam Clovis (has testified several times for the Mueller investigation, has a weird face).

The New York Times reports that this source has also brushed up against a certain literal actual foreign agent who has pleaded guilty to lying to the FBI:

The informant also had contacts with [Michael] Flynn, the retired Army general who was Mr. Trump’s first national security adviser. The two met in February 2014, when Mr. Flynn was running the Defense Intelligence Agency and attended the Cambridge Intelligence Seminar, an academic forum for former spies and researchers that meets a few times a year.

According to people familiar with Mr. Flynn’s visit to the intelligence seminar, the source was alarmed by the general’s apparent closeness with a Russian woman who was also in attendance. The concern was strong enough that it prompted another person to pass on a warning to the American authorities that Mr. Flynn could be compromised by Russian intelligence, according to two people familiar with the matter.

WOW. Just ... WOW.

Of course, Donald Trump's interpretation of this story is more that there was a SECRET FBI AGENT sent into the TRUMP CAMPAIGN by the DEEP STATE to FRAME THEM FOR RUSSIA CRIMES. He is a very stupid man:

Yeah, not so much.

FBI director Christopher Wray (whom we still suspect of having a 12-inch dick) talked about the importance of protecting sources last week:

"The day that we can't protect human sources is the day the American people start becoming less safe," Wray told members of the Senate Appropriations Committee.


Oh well, uh oh, too late, because we guess shortly after FUCKING DEVIN learned dude's name, the rightwing blogs and Glenn Greenwald but we repeat ourselves started printing it!

Quick sidenote: Know how the lamestream media is reporting that Rudy Giuliani is saying Robert Mueller told him Heidi told Conner that she saw Danielle and Markus fucking back behind the bleachers and Heidi coulda sworn Markus moaned something about how Mueller's obstruction of justice probe against Donald Trump would be over in September?

Well scroll back up to the first Trump tweet in this post, because HOLY SHIT that's some new obstruction of justice evidence!

There's another story Trump is mad about, which he also does not understand because he is stupid, and it is that there was ANOTHER Trump Tower meeting that happened back in August 2016, except this time instead of Russians offering Donald The Dipshit Junior election assistance, it was a troupe of Middle Easterners.

But we'll talk about that in a different post, because this one is too many words now, GOODBYE!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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