President Puss-grab Too Manly For Womynists. Wonkagenda For Mon., Jan. 29, 2018

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

THE MEMO from Devin Nunes that bullshits facts about why the DOJ started listening to Carter Page's phone calls with Russians reportedly tries to throw Deputy AG Rod Rosenstein under the bus for using THE DOSSIER as a source.

Ahead of a vote by the House Intel Committee, Republicans are doubling down on the bullshit. Even DJTJ made a bet with his imaginary friend that THE MEMO would leak.

The story about how Paul Manafort went broke after years of propping up dictators and then became Donald Trump's campaign manager is straight up insane.

With evidence mounting that Trump has repeatedly tried to kill Trump-Russia investigations, Republicans are fearful Trump will yell at them on Twitter if they try to protect Robert Mueller. Whatever will they do.

The Russian lawyer lady who met with DJTJ has been caught up in a massive corruption scandal in Switzerland that has a lot of similarities with Trump-Russia. No pee tape there, though...that we know of.

Trey Gowdy went on teevee to say how much he loves Robert Mueller, and how "Republicans are the taking good facts and overstating them and therefore changing the narrative." Did Gowdy-Doody turn into a hippy, truth-telling liberal?

Now that they can require poor people to work for their healthcare, more red states are open to Medicaid expansion. Guess we just had to mean it up some.

DACA talks have effectively stalled, with Democrats rejecting Trump's "concession" plan and hoping that Republicans will ultimately take the blame for kicking out all the doe-eyed Not American children. Not gonna happen.

Today is the deadline for Trump to act on the Russian sanctions Congress passed last year after they were caught fucking with our elections.

The Republican and Democratic Congressional Campaign Committees are dumping hundred of thousands of Ameros into the special election for Pennsylvania's 18th that pits a schlubby what's-his-name against Democratic dreamboat and Marine veteran Conor Lamb.

The Koch network is starting to warm up to Donald Trump now that he's given them a $1.5 trillion dollar tax cut, with one donor noting, "If you just tuned out Trump and his voice and persona, the policies and achievements have been excellent."

A federal judge laughed slumlord Jared Kushner's business secrecy claims out of court, stating that Kushner is not a special and unique snowflake that floats above the law.

You can't find the American carnage that's left cities knee deep in blood as new technology and laws have led to a sharp reduction in crime across the country.

The editorial board of Devin Nunes's hometown paper thinks that Nunes should stop embarrassing himself as he runs around Washington fetching memos and diet cola for Donald Trump.

In an interview with some obnoxious teevee hack, President Puss-grab noted that he's not a "feminist," surprising nobody.

The Twitterverse lost its shit this weekend after celebrity Chef Jose Andres claimed he was booted out of a fancy Swamp people party by Melon and Ivanka Trump, but the truth is less sexy.

The Serial Stowaway was arrested at Chicago's O'Hare International Airport three days after being released from Cook County Jail for trying to sneak on airplane for the 9,000th time.

Israelis are pissed after Poland tried to pass a bill denying culpability for Nazi death camps built on Nazi-occupied Polish soil, but they're talking this morning. Sort of.

The 2018 Winter Olympics have become a complete shitshow, and they haven't even started yet. This weekend USA Gymnastics announced its entire board will resign in disgrace, Russian hackers are breaking into everything just to be dicks, and now even the Russian Paralympic team has been banned for doping.

Vladimir Putin's political nemesis, Alexei Navalny, was released from prison this morning after getting arrested for leading protests against the upcoming presidential election that is definitely not rigged.

US and European business people are worried about China's political party demanding a role in managing state-owned business as it begins cracking down on internal political dissent.

DJTJ and Nikki Haley are full of sads after Hillary Clinton made a special appearance at the Grammys where she read excerpts from "Fire and Fury." [Video]

The fight between journalists and Tronc has been brutal with bro-xecutives getting butthurt that the journos are fighting newsroom neutering. Now there's a new editor to surprise and delight the newsroom!

A 20-year-old foreign policy student found US soldiers stationed in Not America were sharing location data on social media fitness apps after his dad quipped that fitness trackers show "where rich white people are."

And SNL brought Will Ferrell in to remind you that George W. Bush was really, really bad.

And here's your morning Nice Time! ADORABLE PENGUINS!!

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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.


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