Donald Trump GIF by GIPHY News

Do you feel like you're taking crazy pills?

Say, you know who else feels like he's taking crazy pills? This guy.

Because he is!

Yesterday afternoon, the president blew up negotiations over the coronavirus stimulus bill in the usual fashion — blithely promising something undefined and yet also amazing, right around the corner, while unleashing total havoc today. The Dow immediately dropped 400 points as the country finally realized that no help was on the way, just hours after Trump's own Fed chair Jerome Powell said the economy needs stimulation now, and the more the better.

"You have to try to be this politically inept. What is going on in the White House? Where is Mark Meadows?" one campaign staffer said to Axios, between frantic gasps into and out of a brown paper bag. Allegedly!

The president's last remaining polling advantage over Joe Biden has been on ability to handle the economy. And he just ... he just tweeted it out.

It would be hilarious if it weren't so bloody tragic. As Catherine Rampell points out at the Post, Trump's announcement doesn't take into any sort of account that "27 million people are still filing for unemployment, or that 1 in 10 adults live in households where there was not enough to eat in the past seven days." With the $600 weekly payments and the $1,200 stimulus, we were more or less bumping along. But without another stimulus package to prop up businesses and put money in Americans' pockets, shit will go even more sideways, and fast.

So, why would he do it? It's one thing to know that Mnuchin and Pelosi are a trillion dollars apart and the Senate is holding steady at eight bucks and a bag of dog poop, plus blanket immunity for all businesses. It's quite another for Trump to livestream himself leaving 10 bloody fingerprints on the knife as he plunges it into a deal that could save the economy. That's just insane.

It could be because he's getting really lousy advice from his crew of cranks.

"A relief deal really won't help the economy," Art "I Doodled Some Insane Shit On a Napkin One Time and Now the GOP Is Nuts" Laffer, told Trump a week ago. "The spending is not good for the economy." Plus he's got Larry Kudlow drunk uncling all over the place to say that the recovery is in full swing, with Stephen Moore bringing up the rear nattering that there's no reason to rush, since the effects of the stimulus won't be felt until after the election. Of course, this fails to take into account the economic effects of knowing for certain that no help is coming, but ... consider the source.

The Washington Post reports that shortly before Trump blew it all up, he spoke to Mitch McConnell, who said that nothing Pelosi would agree to could pass the Senate, and she was just "stringing him along." Presumably he did not mean, "So obviously you should make sure that you, yourself, get the blame for tanking negotiations and killing any chance of a stimulus package this year, relieving pressure on swing district Dems who've been agitating for Pelosi to take half a loaf. And if you can do it in a series of deranged tweets, so much the better." He should probably have been more specific.

"Our Economy is doing very well. The Stock Market is at record levels, JOBS and unemployment also coming back in record numbers," Trump yammered, downplaying the need for a recovery package at all. "We are leading the World in Economic Recovery, and THE BEST IS YET TO COME!"

Instructing McConnell to concentrate on confirming Amy Coney Barrett, the president spent a pleasant hour retweeting some Islamaphobic jackass who got named to a panel at the Hoover Institution one time in 2008 and has been trading on the association ever since.

Only the people failed to clap and cheer and sing songs of praise to the Dear Leader for shouting FUCKIT and kicking over the negotiating table. Nor did they seem particularly interested in huffing the last remaining fumes of whatever HILLARY IS THE REAL RUSSIA cow shit Director of National Intelligence John Ratcliffe and Congressman Devin Nunes are currently rolling around in. In fact, Republicans in close seats seemed downright queasy at the prospect of facing the voters in four weeks with no stimulus to show for it.

By 10 p.m., Commander Dexamethasone was beginning to have doubts about his strategy.

"Let me sign some checks, I've got my Sharpie at the ready!" he all but screamed.

And he's still at it now.

Although he's mostly confined himself to braying for Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama's arrests — for who the hell even knows what! — and attacking his own Attorney General and FDA Commissioner. And after all Bill Barr's done, too!

Actual image RT'd by President Crazypants

Mark Meadows is currently out there trying to clean it up (lol, little late, asshole!) by saying that Trump wants to do a deal piecemeal, doling out relief to his preferred constituencies and letting everyone else go to hell — an approach Pelosi and the Democrats have already rejected.

But it doesn't matter because no one is going to be negotiating with Poppy Roid Rage right now, since he's currently too busy barfing out lunatic tweets.


"Where are all of the arrests? Can you imagine if the roles were reversed? Long term sentences would have started two years ago. Shameful!"

Just ... what?

Look, sorry for all the tweets here, but we cannot express clearly enough that the guy who has the nuclear codes is extremely unwell right now.



Follow Liz Dye on Twitter RIGHT HERE!

Please click here to support your Wonkette. And if you're ordering your quarantine goods on Amazon, this is the link to do it.

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc