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Donald Trump is up and tweeting this morning, and as ever, he's grumpy about all the idiots who are wrong in the world, like Spike Lee, who is racist against Donald Trump, and also former senator Harry Reid, who retired after 2016 but who Trump believes was secretly thrown out for being so awful and wrong. At least Trump likes someone: Kim Jong Un, with whom he's looking forward to spending some quality time this week. Dictators appreciate him.


Trump was not a fan of Lee's Academy Award acceptance speech for Best Adapted Screenplay, because just look at all the unspeakable hatred and racism.

We're not sure whether it was racist of Lee to mention slavery or discrimination, or whether all criticism of a white president by a black film director is inherently racist. (We actually are sure: It is both, obviously.) Just look!

We will have love and wisdom when we regain our humanity. It will be a powerful moment. The 2020 presidential election is around the corner. Let's all mobilize. Let's all be on the right side of history. Make the moral choice between love versus hate. Let's do the right thing.

Trump, the most mellifluous speaker who ever stared woodenly at a teleprompter and still mixed up words, condemned Lee's reading from a piece of paper and also all that racism!

We're frankly surprised Trump limited his Oscars trash talk to the one topic, since he could just have well complained that the Best Animated Short award went to a cartoon about a Chinese dumpling instead of good old American food like burnt steak and ketchup. How racist is that?

Also, don't be the least bit surprise if Trump notices and retweets this important Oscars commentary from the Stupidest Man on the Internet:

While Trump was at it this morning, he also told Saudi Arabia to curb oil prices, because that is how foreign policy works:

It's entirely possible he then DM'd the Saudis to promise they could kill another journalist if they keep oil prices down. Or he intended to, but instead sent the message to a parody account, @MBS_I_Love_Trump.

Also too, Trump is really looking forward to spending some time canoodling in Vietnam with his best bud Kim Jong Un. Yesterday, he explained that Kim is right on the verge of getting rid of all North Korea's nuclear weapons and suddenly embracing capitalism because Trump just knows these things:


Trump couldn't think of anything new this morning, so he retweeted himself a few times in case you missed him being super-smart the first time yesterday or Friday. Man, he likes that Kim fella!

Trump also has thoughts about his important meeting with some boring American governors today, and his thoughts are that the governors' meeting is the last obstacle in his way before he rushes off to meet with Kim, wonderful Kim!

For some reason, Trump also took the time to slam retired senator Harry Reid, who very racistly said in an interview that, compared to Trump, he misses the presidency of George W. Bush "every day," and that Bush would be "Babe Ruth" compared to our Great Leader. What a racist!

Trump wasn't about to take that racism sitting down!

If you want to get all technical about it, Reid wasn't so much "thrown out" as he "retired," and his seat was won in 2016 by the Democrat Reid endorsed, Catherine Cortez Masto. Then again, he's not in office anymore, now is he? What a loser who failed and was thrown out! Oh, and is also dying of pancreatic cancer. So at least that's one thing that Donald Trump is willing to be bipartisan about: hating old guys who are dying, probably because they foolishly used up all their Life Energy by exercising.

Oh, yes, and we also have an EMERGY on the border, Trump wants to remind us. It's very important. Be sure to remember that. It was on Fox, so of course it's important.

Bye, gotta go hug li'l Rocket Man and win a Nobel Prize! Or at least, Trump would, if they don't steal it from him and give it to some racist.

[Donald Trump being an asshole]

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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'George,' by Wonkette Operative 'Nodakastani'

Bet you guys could do with some nice things about now, huh? So let's take a break from the usual grind of horrors and nastiness and look at some less miserable stuff for a while, shall we? Oh indeed we shall.

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I don't quite know how to tell you this, but a group of anti-abortion lunatics are currently urging people to stop immunizing their children on account of the fact that they believe that because some vaccines were made using cell lines from two aborted fetuses back in the 1960s, said vaccines are not only immunizing the world against disease, but against their prayers as well. They claim that were it not for these vaccines unfairly intervening with their plans, they would have overturned Roe v. Wade by now.

The group calls themselves Intercessors for America, and their whole deal is basically that they think prayers are literal magic and that if they pray super hard for leaders to do what they want, all of their wishes will come true. They send out a newsletter filled with extremely specific prayers for various politicians based on what they are doing that day and also have an "interactive prayer wall" on their site, which is actually just a Facebook comment section of some kind where a bunch of people are posting their prayers.

No, I did not press send. Though I was tempted.

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