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Donald Trump is up and tweeting this morning, and as ever, he's grumpy about all the idiots who are wrong in the world, like Spike Lee, who is racist against Donald Trump, and also former senator Harry Reid, who retired after 2016 but who Trump believes was secretly thrown out for being so awful and wrong. At least Trump likes someone: Kim Jong Un, with whom he's looking forward to spending some quality time this week. Dictators appreciate him.

Trump was not a fan of Lee's Academy Award acceptance speech for Best Adapted Screenplay, because just look at all the unspeakable hatred and racism.

We're not sure whether it was racist of Lee to mention slavery or discrimination, or whether all criticism of a white president by a black film director is inherently racist. (We actually are sure: It is both, obviously.) Just look!

We will have love and wisdom when we regain our humanity. It will be a powerful moment. The 2020 presidential election is around the corner. Let's all mobilize. Let's all be on the right side of history. Make the moral choice between love versus hate. Let's do the right thing.

Trump, the most mellifluous speaker who ever stared woodenly at a teleprompter and still mixed up words, condemned Lee's reading from a piece of paper and also all that racism!

We're frankly surprised Trump limited his Oscars trash talk to the one topic, since he could just have well complained that the Best Animated Short award went to a cartoon about a Chinese dumpling instead of good old American food like burnt steak and ketchup. How racist is that?

Also, don't be the least bit surprise if Trump notices and retweets this important Oscars commentary from the Stupidest Man on the Internet:

While Trump was at it this morning, he also told Saudi Arabia to curb oil prices, because that is how foreign policy works:

It's entirely possible he then DM'd the Saudis to promise they could kill another journalist if they keep oil prices down. Or he intended to, but instead sent the message to a parody account, @MBS_I_Love_Trump.

Also too, Trump is really looking forward to spending some time canoodling in Vietnam with his best bud Kim Jong Un. Yesterday, he explained that Kim is right on the verge of getting rid of all North Korea's nuclear weapons and suddenly embracing capitalism because Trump just knows these things:

Trump couldn't think of anything new this morning, so he retweeted himself a few times in case you missed him being super-smart the first time yesterday or Friday. Man, he likes that Kim fella!

Trump also has thoughts about his important meeting with some boring American governors today, and his thoughts are that the governors' meeting is the last obstacle in his way before he rushes off to meet with Kim, wonderful Kim!

For some reason, Trump also took the time to slam retired senator Harry Reid, who very racistly said in an interview that, compared to Trump, he misses the presidency of George W. Bush "every day," and that Bush would be "Babe Ruth" compared to our Great Leader. What a racist!

Trump wasn't about to take that racism sitting down!

If you want to get all technical about it, Reid wasn't so much "thrown out" as he "retired," and his seat was won in 2016 by the Democrat Reid endorsed, Catherine Cortez Masto. Then again, he's not in office anymore, now is he? What a loser who failed and was thrown out! Oh, and is also dying of pancreatic cancer. So at least that's one thing that Donald Trump is willing to be bipartisan about: hating old guys who are dying, probably because they foolishly used up all their Life Energy by exercising.

Oh, yes, and we also have an EMERGY on the border, Trump wants to remind us. It's very important. Be sure to remember that. It was on Fox, so of course it's important.

Bye, gotta go hug li'l Rocket Man and win a Nobel Prize! Or at least, Trump would, if they don't steal it from him and give it to some racist.

[Donald Trump being an asshole]

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Hooray, it's time for yet another dispatch from Fox News's big fun week of failure. (No, we mean even more failure than usual.) While all of Twitter is being annoying and talking incessantly about nothing but Bran and Daenerys and Carl and Peg or whoever they are, we have been (ignoring it and) focusing on all Fox's sadness, starting with Pete Buttigieg's town hall, where he called Fox News a piece of shit to its face. Then we laughed and laughed at Fox News idiot Pete Hegseth, who is sending lots of begging to today's college graduates, that they might immediately get dropped on their heads and forget all their education, so they might grow up to be the Fox News viewers of the future.

Oh, and we haven't even had a chance to LOL at the epic hilarity of Steve Doocy trying to do man-on-the-street interviews in Midtown Manhattan, shoving the mic into the faces of New Yorkers who literally don't care if he goes and plays in traffic. That was fun!

But the point of this post is that we have finally learned what makes at least some Fox News viewers tick, and it is that Tucker Carlson "laughs like a girl." That is not us saying that, that is a Fox News fan lady telling the Washington Post's Erik Wemple why she loves Tucker Carlson so much.

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Old White Guys Try To Explain Abortion

Throwing the baby out with the bathwater. It's your Sunday show rundown!


Michael is out, so I'm taking over your Sunday Show Rundown. This week everyone was talking about those awful abortion laws worming their way through state legislatures. As usual, most of the men were tripping on their dicks while trying to talk about vag. Luckily, there's enough women around to ladysplain things.

Bernie Sanders went on Meet the Press for the first time in FOREVER and played his greatest hits for all the kids. Sanders criticized Joe Biden's environmental policy (which is literally just "beat Trump"), stating that it wasn't "good enough." Sanders is right! (NO FIGHTING.)

SANDERS: Beating Trump is not good enough. You have to beat the fossil fuel industry, you have to take on all the forces of the status quo who do not want to move this country to energy efficiency and sustainable energy.

But then Chuck Todd asked Bernie a loaded question about women getting "sex-selective" abortions and the whole interview went off the rails. Bernie struggled to answer the dumbass question and came across looking stupid despite having spent the better part of the last week in Alabama railing against abortion bans.

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