President Sore Loser Has One Last Parting Grift For His Supporters

Stolen Elections

Donald Trump is spreading a great deal of misinformation about the election he just lost. He claims an unidentified “they" stole the presidency from him, which would involve a heist at an Ocean's 11-level of complexity. None of President Lame Duck's deranged conspiracy theories make any actual sense. Why would Democrats “steal" an election in just a few states when we have all that Soros money to burn, and why would we keep Susan Fucking Collins in the Senate?

Sunday, Trump tweeted a quote from jerkass Jonathan Turley, who cast aspersions on mail-in ballots from cities such as Philadelphia and Detroit, where America stores its Black people. Turley claimed these Democratic-run, majority Black cities have "a long series of election problems (to put it mildly)." These “problems," as Republicans see them, are clearly that Black people insist on voting. If you could just Jim Crow the election, Trump would've won easily.

Twitter


According to ABC News, Trump's campaign staff is currently holding a less stable version of a Jerry Lewis telethon where they man the phones at Trump campaign headquarters in Virginia — another state he lost — and field hundreds of calls a day from crackpots reporting instances of “voter fraud," most likely “suspicious" sightings of Black people at polling places. Release the Karens!

During his Saturday press conference at the Four Seasons (no, the other one), Rudy Giuliani, who was once the mayor of a great American city, claimed he had 90 witnesses to fraud, which he explained is “evidence," because Ole Melty Head is very good at law. Then the shit got weird.

From the Washington Post:

"Joe Frazier is still voting here — kind of hard, since he died five years ago," Giuliani said in a meandering monologue, referring to the champion boxer who died in 2011 as an example of Philadelphia's unproven election malfeasance.

Smokin' Joe died nine years ago Saturday.

"But Joe continues to vote. If I recall correctly, Joe was a Republican. So maybe I shouldn't complain. But we should go see if Joe is voting Republican or Democrat now, from the grave. Also Will Smith's father has voted here twice since he died. I don't know how he votes, because his vote is secret. In Philadelphia, they keep the votes of dead people secret."

Giuliani's so racist he even charges dead Black folks with felonies.

It's unclear where Giuliani found his 90 witnesses or if they even exist, and reportedly, the voter fraud hotline isn't providing the most reliable leads.

[T]he hotline has turned into a nightmare for some, as staffers, some of whom have contracts that expire in the coming days, have been bombarded with prank calls from people laughing or mocking them over Biden's win before hanging up, sources tell ABC News. Prank calling the Trump campaign's hotline has already become a trend on TikTok, the social media network that was used earlier in the year in an attempt to tank the president's rally in Tulsa by mass-requesting tickets.

Trump's campaign manager, Bill Stepien, conducted a last-ditch Monorail pitch on a call to deep-pocketed supporters Saturday. “We're still in this fight," he said before every TV network cancelled the fight. If the Trump campaign had any towels handy, someone should throw them into something.

"This is not a fundraising solicitation ..."

These people can't stop lying.

" want to be super clear, this is an update call to make sure you know exactly where we are in the campaign ... but if anyone wants to contribute to the Legal Defense Fund, you can go to DonaldTrump.com," Stepien said.

The fine print on DonaldTrump.com's donations page states that 60 percent of funds raised will go to pay down the campaign's debt. The rest will go toward frivolous lawsuits that make judges laugh so hard they piss their pants. So far, Trump's legal team has won a case regarding how close they can hover over poll workers during a pandemic. Although Trump probably exclaimed, “Victory is mine!" this didn't change the outcome. Nothing will, but he might as well make some cool, hard cash on his way out the door.

This scam won't stop until our democracy is fully destabilized.

[ABC News]

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle. Tickets are on sale now for his latest Nordo collaboration, "Curiouser and Curiouser," an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It promises to feel like an actual evening with SER (for good or for ill).

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