OH, NOES! Did Donald Trump utter a scandalous cuss? However shall the republic continue when our elected leaders do befoul our precious civil discourse with vile profanities? We beseech you, good sirs, to think of the children!

On January 4, President Arty McDeals met with congressional leaders to bluster uselessly about the federal shutdown, then in its 14th day. Lest anyone think he'd come to negotiate, Trump's promise to keep the government closed for "months or even years" should have tipped off his staff -- it was just another round of brinkmanship from a guy who got where he is by always being the craziest liar in the room.

Acting Chief of Staff Mick Mulvaney provided the perfect foil when he suggested a compromise to fund WALL at some number between the president's $5.7 billion demand, and the Democrat's initial offer of $1.3 billion. Axios reports:

"Trump cut him off ... 'You just fucked it all up, Mick,'" the source recalled Trump saying. "It was kind of weird."

Another source who was in the room confirmed the account. That source said their impression was that Trump was irritated at Mulvaney's negotiating style. "As a negotiator, Trump was resetting," the source said. "Mick was not reading the room or the president."

After Motherfuckergate, we anticipate at least five thousand hours of breathless news coverage, including serious discussion of congressional censure for President Pottymouth.

Oh, but we are silly today! That's for brown ladies what don't know their place. Also, too, IOKIYAR.

Having established dominance by kicking his own consigliere in the jimmies, Trump "reset" the dialogue by announcing his intention to keep 800,000 workers furloughed forever. He's going to hold his breath until the country turns blue, SO THERE.

With polls showing Americans hold Trump responsible for the shutdown -- he did, after all, say he was proud to slap his stupid name on it -- Republicans are getting desperate for an off-ramp. Senators Collins, Murkowski, and Gardner are begging Trump to reopen the rest of the government, and dick around over WALL later. And Trump's BFF Lindsey Graham has even sweetened the pot by promising Trump he can have his State of Emergency Funtimes in February if he will just please, for the love of God, open the government now. Yesterday he addressed the president through Fox, saying:

Before he pulls the plug on the legislative option, and I think we are almost there, I would urge them to open up the government for a short period of time, like three weeks before he pulls the plug, see if we can get a deal. If we can't at the end of three weeks, all bets are off, see if he can do it by himself through the emergency powers. That's my recommendation.

Never fear, Senator! The White House Brain Trust has come up with A PLAN to outflank that wily Nancy Pelosi. What if Donald Trump uses his manly charm and animal magnetism to get Connor Lamb and Abigail Spanberger to give him WALL? Axios got the scoop again:

Senior administration officials have discussed inviting rank-and-file Democrats to the White House, hoping they may be willing to negotiate over funding for a barrier, according to two sources privy to the private discussions. They're planning to target freshman Democratic House members from districts Trump won in 2016.

It's so crazy, it just might work!

Hahahahaha, no it won't. First of all, candidates who ran as the anti-Trump aren't about to cross the aisle to cut the legs out from under their own caucus, particularly when Democrats are winning the public relations battle. And second, that's not how any of this works! Nancy Pelosi isn't about to bring a WALL budget to the floor just because a couple of Democrats get weak in the knees. Unlike Paul Ryan, Madame Speaker knows how to whip her own caucus.

But by all means, Mister President, please proceed with that Democratic charm offensive. Add in the silverback dominance displays, and you've got an unbeatable negotiating strategy. Have you considered pissing on Pence's leg at the next congressional powwow?


[Axios / Fox / Axios, again]

Follow your FDF on Twitter!

Please click here to fund Yr Wonkette, so we never shut down!

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

Donate with CC
'Bella" by Wonkette Operative 'IdiokraticSubpoenaKommissar'

Sunday already, which means a substantial portion of US America is preparing to be astonished/heartbroken/outraged by the series finale of that show with the dragons, while another portion is just going to stay off Twitter for three days because nothing will make any sense. Yr Dok Zoom tends to come very late to trendy things, so get ready for our own thoughts on the gamy thrones show sometime in about 2023, or never. But we'd be glad to tell you just how much we enjoy the brilliance and humanity of the Cartoon Network series "Steven Universe," which debuted in 2013 and we started bingeing on the Hulu last month, late again.

Hell, we still want to talk about that one Mrs Landingham episode of "The West Wing," which we first watched years after it aired (We finally bought our new used car yesterday, and know one thing: don't drive over to the White House to show it off to President Bartlet). We might even get around to reading Infinite Jest someday. We hear it has something to do with a superhero team and a guy named Thanos. So hey, let's talk about culture and missing out and patching together some knowledge of what's happening anyway.

Keep reading... Show less
Donate with CC
Get Me Roger Stone

Roger Stone, his wife would like you to know, is broke. And he is not dealing with it well. Once in khaki suits, gee, he looked swell, full of that yankee-doodle-dee-dum, but now no one calls him Al anymore and he has to stand on a street corner singing "Brother Can You Spare A Dime?"

Yesterday, the conservative but also kind of Never Trumper site The Bulwark revealed the details of a grifty "fundraising" plea sent out by Stone's wife Nydia, begging supporters to give money to the Stones in order to help them keep up the lifestyle to which they have become accustomed.

It was titled "I am embarrassed to write this."

"Dear Friend," begins the missive. "My husband and I have an urgent new problem and we need your help. I told my husband I was going to write you, one of his most valued supporters. I am embarrassed to write this, but I must."

"Mrs. Roger Stone" tells a tale of woe: FBI agents swooping in on them at the crack of dawn to arrest her husband, a subsequent "fake news" feeding frenzy causing friends and fans to abandon the Stones.

"He laid off all our consultants, contractors and employees, and we have 'pulled in our belts' like so many Americans in 'tight times,'" she wrote, sounding for all the world like a plucky working-class patriot, not the wife of a man who made and lost his fortune lying in the service of power.

She should have been more embarrassed.

Keep reading... Show less
Donate with CC

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc