We know it's not 'till Thursday, but we wanted to beat the rush.

The AP is amazed to learn that our President is greeting his 60th birthday not with deep, suicidal despair, but rather with -- wait for it -- relative good humor! But that good humor masks -- wait for it -- "unmistakably wistful notes." Join us for a birthday think-piece fun-fest, after the jump.

Many thanks for the AP for this informative paragraph:

Cher, Bill Clinton, Dolly Parton, Donald Trump, Sylvester Stallone, Diane Keaton, Suzanne Somers, Reggie Jackson and Jimmy Buffet also are turning 60 in 2006.

That's one helluva list. Is it as pointless and stupid as it seems to us or is that the decongestant talking? Is there an "aging baby boomers" mad libs column in the AP stylebook? 'Cause it's missing from our copy.

Meanwhile, in the land of left-leaning America-hating, the Guardian has a bit of fun with our increasingly decrepit and rapidly decaying president:

While others dreamed of world peace he dreamed of running a successful oil business. (Both dreams failed miserably.) Judging from his own admissions, he was too drunk too often to have paid much attention to the cultural earthquake his generation was triggering.

The piece then goes on to quote almost the exact same list. Wikipedia journalism -- because when faced with the terrifying specter of one's suddenly all-too-real mortality, one can take take solace only in the fact that Cher's still kickin'.

Bush faces 60th birthday with wisecracks [AP via USA Today]

Bush: fighting fit and shocked to be 60 [Guardian]